Thursday, June 29

Prince, reduced to a symbol, invents strategies to avoid a deficit (pt 22)

"Here are your new glasses, Burt Young."

The Sam's Club doorman can't cope with Burt Young now. "I don't see what you see."

Keak Da Sneak - Know what I'm talkin bout

Future Sound of London - Eyes Pop - Skin Explodes - Everybody Dead
The doorman couldn't forsee being eradicated by Burt executing the secret Flying Hamburger Morrocan Dutchman Leg-Attack strategy secret.

Burt presents Sam's with a fait accompli.
They need a doorman, to check i.d.'s.
So now, Burt Young'll sit by the door.
Guess what that does for Prince?David Banner ft Yola da Great - Get money
40 Cal - For tha love of money
40 Cal - Paid in full

Deficit avoided: Prince, via Burt Young, now controls who gets into Sam's. And that's also why Sam's club is so full of symbols whenever you go to shop there. But Prince is no longer 'just' a symbol. THE END

Tuesday, June 20

Prince, reduced to a symbol, invents strategies to avoid a deficit (pt 21)

"Now. Let's test those eyes now. Now."
Burt Young was a little bit afraid of this eyetest. The Sam's eye Dr. didn't have the best eyechartside manner. Furthermore, his voice was reverbatory (his british accent had a british accent) and also he looked like this:

Maybe not the ideal situation for an eyetest, but what was he gonna do? He was there.

Derek Bailey & Squarepusher - Live track

"All right then. Our first test is called 'the midbrain test'. I want you to focus on the column of 'midbrains'."

"Are you looking at the 'midbrains'? Ok. Now, focus on the lower part of the column of 'midbrains'. I want you to notice the illusion of downward slinky-motion in the column. Did you notice that? Good. Now I want you to slowly scan your eyes upward, until you reach the line at which the slinky-motion appears to reverse direction, so it at this point starts to slinky upward. Do you see that? Good, now, to the best of your abilities, I want you to move your eyes inside and outside of that line, & read the two lines of text immediately above & below the line at which the slinky-motion flips directions."

Prince - Cross the line

"Ok," Burt responded,"I think it says:
= Some type of sea-creature
= Deer that ma
Thoracic portion of the spinal column
Dignified mid-victorian gentlemen, grotesque"

"Interesting!" said in a British accent.

"Ok. Next question:
For how long can you look at this:

TV-Resistori - Pong a long

Before Burt could answer, the picture disappeared, quickly to be replaced by another image of text:

"The jaws are coming! The Jaws are coming:

Yungstar - Paul Revere freestyle

"Are the jaws coming?"

"Uh, yes?" tentatively answered Burt.

"Bravo! Your diagnosis appears quite unambiguously! Last question: whose face do you see in this picture:

"That's your face, Dr."

"Huzzah! You really answered those questions splendidly. And I know just what kind of glasses you need! I'll go and fetch them. I'll be right back.

Monday, June 12

Prince, reduced to a symbol, invents strategies to avoid a deficit (pt 20)

Burt Young attempts to crawl into a betamax videocassette

Crawling unsuccessfully, as it happens.
"Sir what are you doing?" asked a Sam's employee.
Burt didn't want to tell her what he was really doing -βeta-testing Prince's new $-strategy (counterfeit Sam's cards), and getting caught betatesting by Carl Weathers,

and how Carl earthquaked his (βurt's) face like dum didi dum dum bubba bubba bah bah, beating on him like he was trying to give him (βurt) cosmetic brain surgery from the outside, with fists -- so he didn't tell her, instead he kept trying to climb into the βmax.

The Pack ft Too $hort - Dum Didi Dum
Lil B from The Pack - Earthquake
Pierre Henry - Cortical Art III (partie II) (this is a rapidshare link b/c big)
(The 1st 2 mpfrees are by The Pack AKA The Wolfpack , and I picked em up at a heavily Bayestriated blog called two bees in a bucket. I hope dude doesn't mind, maybe that's bad but I was absent on the day they taguht inertnet ettiquette and besides these tracks go dumb for dummies, and also you can download this whole mixtape. In the 3rd mpfree that's Pierre Henry performing live, converting electro-encephalographic readouts into a lot of good synth-bleeps)

"Sir we don't sell betamax at Sam's. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
And it looked like Burt would have to leave, thus failing Prince. But instead a man with a white labcoat, British accent, and wierd face interceded:

"No, I don't think he needs to leave. I think this man needs help. I'm the eye Dr. at Sam's, and you look like your eyes need some help. Let's roll back to my eyecharts and see what you don't see."

Mr. Magic ft 8ball, David Banner - Let's Roll