Thursday, May 18

Prince, reduced to a symbol, invents strategies to avoid a deficit (pt 17)

"It's so hard to hold offa deez n.u.t.'s!
Mac Dre - So Hard
Mac Dre ft Richie Rich, Miami - Hold off

I see too many nuts! Sam's mgmt. has violated the nut-numerosity checkpoint, puttin all deez bargain nuts out here. B ut I'm the one getting blasted with the secret military nut-optical incapacitator. I don't know if I'll be able to see for much longer!"

Cyclo. - C2

Cyclo. - C4 (Cyclo. = Ryoji Ikeda + Carsten Nikolai (but they sound a lil Rick Rockish if you ask me))
And sure enough, all deez extreme nut options made Burt Young go blind. Now, we all know from our current events that when we can't really see we often see what we want ourselves to see. Now I won't claim to say I can see what βlind βurt Young is seeing in his mind right now, so the speculation below ought to be taken with many grains of salts (so maybe you want to eat some nuts before you scroll further down, because they got lots of salts).

Prince - Van Gogh

If I had to guess what βurt Young is seeing right now (in his mind because he's temporarily blind), I think he'd be seeing what for him would be the ideal Sam's club product: The secret Sam's Sam's Internet secret head replacement protocol. Why? Well, as an actor, a momentary perusal of Burt's imdb entry should suffice to convince you that Burt's oeurve has been a bit stunted. Constrained. By which I mean: Burt hasn't gotten all the roles I feel he has deserved over the years. For whatever reason, be it height, ethnicity, casting directors have decided that Burt had the wrong bodyparts for the acting parts they were auditioning and so chose other, often inferior talents (which may well explain why βurt so eagerly accepted when Prince chose him to be the βtester).

But by using these secret Sam's putative head-replacement protocols, Burt could have the body he needs to get the parts he wants!

Because then βurt could put his head on whatever body, like Robocop! He could even use his head for extra parts, like if Robocop needs an extra leg! There it is! He could be the perfect Robocop!

And if he were just a little bit taller, then maybe he could be a baller, or at least play one in the movies.

If you'd just let him, Burt Young can be the baller, and he can be the balls. (these Jordan jams are brought from Karthik Pandian's Slow Jamz brought to the internet by MBS).

With this head replacement kit, Burt Young could branch out and branch his career exuberantly. Why won't you let him? Also, why is Prince forsaking his βtester?


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