Wednesday, January 18

Where is Michael McDonald? (pt 2)

Mike? Mike? Mike?hateithateithateit
Where the hell is Michael McDonald? I haven't seen him since the Imagineers made him do all those humiliating dance moves. Even using all the secret Google cheat code secrets I know, I still can't find hateit him! hateit

BUT: I feel like maybe I can boost the empowerment of my Secret Google Michael McDonald localization cheat code if I help y'all internet people make prudent consumer choices. So in this post and the next, I will share some shopping opportunities.

DJ Screw's store is the source of your 1st shopping opportunity. I had the chance to visit
Screwed Up Records & Tapes a couple months ago when I was in Tx. As a graduation present for myself, I bought 15 screwtapes (actually 12, they threw in the last 3 for free), a t-shirt, and a poster, about which more below. But for real, about those screwtapes, I would say that of the 15, 10 of them were better than any of the 2005 albums or mixtapes I heard.

Internet people have been talking for a minute about Screw and what he invented (I particularly liked what was said here and here), and I don't have much else additional to add. Lemme just say that I hope you have sense enough to value a form of Process music that takes less time to make than it does to listen to. The reasons why are as self-evident as they are powerful. Plus it sounds really really good. E.g.:

Master P ft Jermaine Dupri - Da Ballers (chopped & screwed by DJ Screw)

This particular MC tandem is not one I would normally wanna jam to. But holy fuck don't Screw's time-distorting strategies get you excited about P's "bubble-eye-hummer" and "mansion-wid-elevator"? And if you listen to it under acoustic conditions more favorable than iPod headphones, that bassline will give your guts a nice kneading. This track is off "2000 Tears", available here, and if you wanna start buying screwtapes I think this is a good place for you to start.

But what you really need to buy is this poster:

Yes, you are looking a painting of DJ Screw sitting on a throne, surrounded by enormous grill'd-up skulls, the crowns of which are being pierced by enormous screws, liberating a purple sizzurp-looking fluid. Or rather a poster reproduction of the painting which I took pictures of and then gifffordized. The poster is signed by an "Eric Clay" about whom my Google searches do not yield any information. Several copies of this poster adorn one wall of Screwed Up Records & Tapes, and when I saw it I just about shat myself with aesthetic appreciation. You can't order these directly off the Screwed Up Records & Tapes website, but you can if you email them at "orders at".

Also, YouTube has some good footage of Screw talking and DJing, from the
Soldiers United for Cash documentary, which is also worth buying. It's got a Z-ro freestyle that'll kill ya.

Ok. In the next post I'm gonna share a shopping opportunity pertaining to the entity responsible for the best website on the internet. Hopefully that will be enough sharing to enable my secret Google to find Michael McDonald and make sure he's Ok.hateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateithateit


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