Tuesday, November 22

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 63)

Michael McDonald pressed the boombox above his head and played his remix, which he continued to believe was invincible.
R Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once (Michael McDonald's invincible secret neural basis of music appreciation Google cheat code remix)

But how are the imagineers going to respond?
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Man, how do you think they're gonna respond? This is a group of people whose name means engineers of imagination. They're gonna do something imaginative.
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Imaginitively, the imagineers engineered a remix of Michael McDonald's of remix of Michael Burncopy's remix of the first 5 of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" videos. And holy shit this remix is powerful!

R Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once (Hardoff's imaginitively outsourced by the Epcot imagineers remix of Michael McDonald's invincible secret neural basis of music appreciation Google cheat code remix)

See? Look at how the remix makes Michael McDonald dance!
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Ugh. That is an UGly dance.

And, I should say, the Epcot Imagineers didn't exactly engineer that remix. At least not in the traditional sense. Nope, the Imagineers outsourced their remix, but trust me, it's about the most imaginative act of outsourcing you're ever likely to witness on the internet. They outsourced the remix to what is, in my experience, the most imaginative blog in the whole internet, Cup Noodle Burns (AKA Bong Bong Froths). This blog does something no other blog on the internet has ever done: when people put links to mpfrees of tracks that they have made in the comments section of Cup Noodle Burns, the blog engineers a remix of their track and links to it in a later post! And the remix is almost always better than the original track. Incredible!

Well, I should say, the Bong Bong Froths blog doesn't exactly engineer the remixes. At least not in the traditional, autonomous sense. Rather, Cup Noodle Burns outsources the actual remixing, but trust me, it's about the most imaginative outsourcing a blog will ever do. Cup Noodle Burns outsources the remix to an Australian breakcore (or whatever) producer, who is expatriated to Japan, and who is awesome, and he is named Hard Off. There are quite a few of Hardoff's remixes at the Cup Noodle Burns blog. Download them and watch yourself dance crazy. But first watch how they make Michael McDonald dance:

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The Spiders - Monkey Dance
Michael McDonald is certainly dancing kerr-rrazy. His dances are hateit recapitulating phylogeny!

OK, Mike, it's a good remix. You can stop dancing now! Please stop! You're embarassing yourself!
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Mike!MIKE! Stop dancing! You're making an ass of yourself! Man, I am blogging this shit on the internet and you look stupid dancing with the Imagineers making you dance like a damn hemiballismic baboon! Please stop!
The Terrys - Stop Dance

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Oh shit! Mike just tried to capture his disobedient right foot in a headlock, but it's not working. His body is involuntarily turning his foot-headlock move into a dancemove. That is just atrocious!

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Oh my god, Mike, what the hell?

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Mike, now you're just dancing like Princess Kitty at the ballroom dance or some shit. Where in the hell did you learn that dance? And why is the thing you're dancing atop shining like Paul Wall's mouth (I mean, the shine Paul Wall's mouth outsources (and owes?) to his orthodontics) ?
Young Cash ft Paul Wall - Disco Ball
(Speaking of shine, as much shine as Paul Wall's been getting recently (and trust, I got as much love for the Rick-Astley-of-Rap as the next blogger), don't let that make you neglect to give Dungeon Family their shine. Remind yourself with these heavily-laden-with-obscure-DF-mpfrees posts at the West Egg Plantation and the Rio Rio Good Good blog blog)

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Mike! All right man I hope you're happy. You're messed up dances are gonna make you the laughingstock of the internet. I've seen all I need to see. Let's Cut & Run the fuck out of Epcot Center before it gets any worse. Let's get back on our secret Google Maps secret interinterintet cheat space and leave this malevolent theme park.

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THE END

"Buddy, why the hell did we leave?"
"Huh?"
"I had those imagineers right where I wanted em!"
"What the hell are you talking about? You were dancing like a damn fool to their remix! You're lucky we got out of their before you danced your limbs off. I don't know if secret internet Google Maps secret interinterintet cheats work for paraplegics!"
"No! No! I... wanted to do those dances... I was setting them up with a false sense of success so that I could... uh..."

Maan. Michael McDonald thinks he meant to do those embarassing dances, but he's confabulating. Pathetic. I'm gonna start calling him "Michael McDenial".

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"I mean, actually, I meant to leave... Yeah, that's the ticket! I'll take some time to prepare my next attack. Make the Imagineers think they're off the hook. Yeah, buddy, everybody knows revenge is a dish best served cold! HAHAHA! It's not over, buddy. IT'S NOT OVER!"

X Japan - Unfinished

THE END?

Well really not really. I mean, you won't see Michael McDonald's face around here for probably at least a couple weeks, but he'll be back I expect.

BUT, coming soon: "Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center" the movie! And when I say "The Movie", I'm talking about the big time! I.e., movies you play in Quicktime Player! OWWWWW! Courtesy of my collaborator! And if you're in Germany you can sneak a peak of a segment of the movie, along with some of his other work, much of which you can and you should and, actually, you must check, because it is way good.

Speaking of good: in a coming soon post I will tell y'all how I make my good animated giffords! So you can make your blog good like mine!

YAHTZEE, YACHT-TIME!

4 Comments:

Blogger Minikomi said...

hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha

looking at those pictures while listening to hardys remix is great.

if i ever make it anywhere near where you are and i play a show you are SO going to VJ.

4:14 AM  
Blogger kalinikta said...

oh my god i am almost choking on these japanese dumplings as i am watching mike dance to the disco ball song! gee i like the way mike dances. and i like his dress. nice dress.
i don't know if you watch tv (probably) but i don't unless the rare occasion arises- have you seen that video for grillz on mtv 2? sooooo scary!!!!!!! do you know if it is cool for girls to get their teeth done?

4:13 AM  
Blogger wayne&wax said...

congrats on completing (?) the best internet saga i have had the pleasure of unscrewing. looking forward to future adventures.

10:06 AM  
Anonymous lamok said...

little wayne has nice tatoos

11:12 AM  

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