Saturday, May 28

dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 8)

It appears that I have underestimated Michael McDonald. If you're just coming to this url for the first time, just so you know what's going on: he & I have come to Epcot Center to try to cure me of my addiction to the Dipset. It is not working. I have relapsed in every post since we got here, including the last post. I thought I was going to get away with that last relapse, because Mike was too piss drunk on Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler to notice. Boy oh boy was I wrong.


Even though he was too drunk to notice the awesome Juelz track I posted in the last post, at the time, I should've known: if you're a master of secret Google cheat codes like Michael McDonald, it doesn't matter where & when something happened. If you want to know it, you will. And so, now that he has sobered up a little, he has become aware of the massive relapse I had in the last post. And he is doing something about it.

Michael McDonald has responded to my latest relapse by subjecting me to a punitive drinking game.
"OK, buddy. Here's the deal. Every time you think about the Dipset, you take a swig of Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler from my chrome flask."
HOLY SHIT THIS Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler IS GROSS.
I guess I should look on the bright side. This is the first thing Mike has had me do that is even remotely rehabilitative. But this drink is so nasty. It tastes like if they made cranapple-kiwi wine cooler, dumped 17 packets of Sweet -n- Low in, and mixed it in one of Bill Cartwright's old gym socks. Plus it's like 10 times more viscous than Red Bull. Ugh, it's like some crazy hippy drink like Odwalla but it's even worse. And it's 333 proof so I am getting wasted hella fast.
"Aw, don't make those faces, buddy. You're breakin' my heart! You should be glad to be drinking this stuff."
"I don't see why."
"Well, you know how DJ /Rupture makes all those awesome mixes, where he distills the best cross section from like every good genre of music, and then assembles them into coherent, compelling wholes ( Gold Teeth Thief part A, Gold Teeth Thief part B, The Minesweeper Suite, Resonance Fm Mix, Back to the Basics mix) that are greater than the sum of the parts?
"Of course I do. So does everybody. Those links are probably the most gratuitous thing in the whole internet! What's your point?"
"Ok, buddy, ok... Well, this Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler is another example of supralinear summation, except for booze instead of music."
I really don't know what Mike is thinking. This Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler may be a mix of a lot of stuff like a /Rupture mix, but this mix is totally gross. And I have to drink it every time I think of Dipset?!!?
It's like when they say don't think of an elephant. You always do think of an elephant. I don't even need cheat codes to know that you just thought of an elephant.

And right now I can't help but think about that awesome Juelz track from the last post.
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot

What if Juelz really did take everyone's spot? Can you imagine how much better the world would be? Like, think about how crappy the world political situation is right now. For instance, did you hear that the numblehead analysts whose analysis allowed the Bush administration to bullshit about those aluminum tubes have been recieving job performance awards for the last 3 years?!! How mad does that lack of accountability make you?
Well, if Santana took the spot of those analysts' superiors, you can bet they wouldn't be getting any awards. And if Santana had the analysts' spot they wouldn't have made the mistake in the first place. And if Santana had taken the spots of all the world leaders, this whole conflict could've been avoided! Think how great it would be if Santana took EVERYONE'S SPOT!
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
Ugh. I have to drink again.

& again.
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
& again.


Ok I'm chugging:
GULP GULP GULP! GASP GASP GASP! COUGH! COUGH COUGH!
What's so great about Juelz is that he exemplifies the following quote (This quote is actually from Mark E Smith of the Fall, and the quote is taken from this book. Smith is actually describing himself in this quote, but he may as well be describing Santana, and if Santana took Mark E's spot, it would all be moot, wouldn't it?)

Actually, Mark E Smith should probably get to keep his spot. He's been holding it for so long, probably now is an inopportune time to relieve him of it.
The Fall - Repetition (1977)
The Fall - Blindness (2005) (Thanks to JohnAa for this one.)

Then again, Santana is pretty awesome, maybe he should take Mark E Smith's spot.
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
I guess it doesn't matter whether or not I think Juelz should come to take Mark E Smith's spot. This whole discussion is hypothetical. Anyway, the quote:
"Sometimes, you just know. You just know that something is right, or something is wrong. I have always... trusted my instinct, you know. And that's what it has always been about. Many, many clever people have failed to grasp this simple fact. This is the essence of the Fall and why there is no other band on earth like us. I may not always be right... and technically I am often completely wrong. And I have been inconsistent. There are times when I say something that might seem to contradict something I said a month earlier. But it doesn't matter because what I do is ride with instinct... And I have never compromised that, even during the spells when I have lost my way. It has been a wholly honest process... and it's true, you know. That's the point, isn't it? That's why all these wankers from the music press... that's why they couldn't actually get close because they wrote themselves away from The Fall. As soon as they tried to grasp it, the point was lost."

Yeah, it's fun to think about if Juelz took everybody's spot. But I totally paid a high price of drinking many drinks of this gross drink to think what I've been thinking. I better stop now before I barf on the internet.

1 Comments:

Blogger Steve Austin said...

Tasty blog! Please check out my basket wine blog.

7:51 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home