Wednesday, May 11

the answer to any problems or questions you have

The Answer - Juelz Santana


MAAN, how does Juelz do it?! How does he perpetually dispense the hot mixtape mpfrees? His productivity is really becoming a problem for me. After whom does he style himself, Prince? I only have so much time to upload mpfrees to yousendit. I only have so many GBs of hard drive capacity! Don't I like to listen to anything but the Dips? Juelz claims to be the answer to problems the listener may have. But what if the problem is I can't stop listening to his mpfrees?!?
Egads, it's a catch-22!!



I'm movin' - Juelz Santana

OK, this may help... I'm very in favor of anybody, especially the Dips, spitting over classic rock. But Sammy Haggar-era Van Halen?!?! UGH! Sampling Sammy is artistic choice that I simply cannot condone and still look at myself in the mirror without weeping... Oh well better stop listening to this before I start liking it...

Respect Me - Juelz Santana
"LISTEN:
They won't believe I'm great
til I'm deceased and placed
under a microscope for weeks and days
then they'll realize if rap was karate WAIT
I'd be Bruce Lee & SHAKE"

Ok. This is some more Dipset hubris, I'm afraid. Don't get me wrong: I love mixed metaphors as much as the next dude, but this metaphor is just vertiginously muddled. Not to mention implausible: yes, modern microscopy has made advances vergin on the miraculous, but by the time imaging tools attain the capability of assessing a subject's rapping or karate skills post mortem, it will be so far in the future that any remains of Juelz body will have long since decayed away. Besides, I'm sure that if civilization is fortunate enough to reach such an advanced state, Juelz will have long since been adopted into the canon... And what the fuck is that "Wait... Shake" shit supposed to be about? An atrocity. "Wronger than two left shoes". I am appalled.

AWW WHO AM I KIDDING!?! IT'S BRILLIANT AND WE ALL KNOW IT!


All right, this is a problem and I need to get pro-active. Have to not listen to Dipset. Have to not post Dipset mpfrees...



AHHHH! Parachuting giraffe to the rescue. I figure I can go cognitive cold turkey on Dipset with the help of images like this to distract me. To keep my mind occupied.
(This image courtesy of the great "Bowleg'd Dieter," a long-time friend who I hope will become a regular contributor to this url.)

Another strategy: maybe I can go back to my older addictions, which were less debilitating. For instance: ultra-no-fi Japanese noise rock. Yes. So I go and get Tokyo Flashback 5, from the always blistering, always beautiful PSF (Psychedelic Speed Freaks) Label. Yes, psychedelic speed freaks will save me for sure.
Whoo: Track 1 is a winner:
Behind 20, Beyond 20k - Aural fit
It's by a band called Aural fit. So I go to their webpage. Oh look they have a downloadable mpfree there. What's it called?

OH GOD NOOOOOOO!

The song is calledDiplomatic Sound!
THE HORROR.

It's like the internet is taunting me. I CANNOT ESCAPE THE DIPS!


OH NO! NOW HELL RELL (another up-n-coming Dipset newcomer) IS RAPPING OVER ZEPPELIN!
Hell Rell - One hell of a guy

“Just when I thought I was out they keep pulling me back in!”


Ok, my Dipset problem has gone too far. And I don't think there's a 12 step program stringent enough to cure me. No, to cure this problem I will need to return to secret internet Google cheat code secrets . I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh by the way, I heard that Google is cheating too? I am shocked. Shocked.

1 Comments:

Blogger Pearsall Helms said...

You are the man.

1:54 PM  

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