Wednesday, June 1

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 10)

" MIKE!"
Mike's been drinking even more Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler than me. He appears to have passed out.
" MIKE! Wake up MOTHERFUCKER! I am hallucinating some fucked up shit! HELP! PLEASE!"
Hell Rell & J.R. Writer - Fuckin' with a monster

" MIKE!"
"HUH!?!" Finally! He's awake.
"I'm hallucinating!"
"I don't give a fuck!"
Dr. Dre ft Jadakiss & Dante Hawkins - I don't give a fuck
" MIKE!" He had passed back out.
Let me back up a second. Here I am at Epoct Center with Michael McDonald. He's making me drink Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler every time I think about Dipset, which I do often, as repeat visitors to this site will have noticed. In the last post I started seeing things. Now the hallucinations are getting worse.

"UNNHH?!! Ok, buddy, Ok. What do you see?"
"Well, I see this musicbox, out of which tinkles this little plinky little melody. And then..."
"Oh, just like that new Dre track you posted right before I passed back out," Mike, whose mastery of the obvious rivals his secret Google cheat code skills or his angelic crooning chops. "Hey, isn't it funny how Dre's productions lately juxtapose the uber-manly voice of the MC with mega-wussy melodic softness? Let's hope this mamby-pamby musicbox is the apotheosis of Dre's trend toward softness... How's he gonna get any more twee? Is he gonna get baby Ewoks to sing all the hooks on Detox? I mean.."
"MIKE!!! Shut up for a second! I'm not finished telling you what I'm hallucinating!"
"Oh yeah. Sorry, buddy."
"So, after a little while, a monster pops out of the music box. It looks like the body of the Cookie Monster, and it's got Cam'ron's head. I'M NOT FUCKIN WITH THAT! "
Saigon - I'm not fuckin with that

"Whose head?"
"Who?" Michael McDonald stared at me blankly.
"Cam'ron... Cam'ron, motherfucker!!! The fucking DON of the Diplomats, the guy to whose crew you're supposed to be helping me not to be addicted!"
"Oh yeah! Him! Ha. I thought you said 'Cameroon'! That would be tough to deal with, what with the indomitable lions and whatnot! I got just the thing to fix you up." At which point, he pulled out a little earthenware thing. It looks like a really little teapot. "This is my nosepot. Pour some Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler into it, stick the spout into your nose and the pour the Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler in. You are so hooked on Dipset that just drinking Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler is not gonna be enough. We need to douse your olfactory epithelia directly!"
"WHAt?!? That makes no sense."
"Don't question me! You barely know any secret Google Internet cheat codes! Just do what I say if you wanna get better!"

So I did. And then the hallucination mutated into something altogether different!

Goodiepal & Bjorn Svin - Sincerely Christmas

"Mike! Now the musicbox is making way too many notes and this wierd Amish-bearded dude with a lute is popping out! This does not seem any better!"
Mike laughs. "Ha. Y'all done fucked up, buddy!"
Juelz -Y'all done fucked up
"You were supposed to put the nosepot in your left nostril, not the right! Duh! Don't you know any secret Google!?!"
Of course! Why am I so stupid!?!? Embarassed, I did as he said.

And then the lights went out. I guess I passed out.
Tweet ft Missy - Turn the Lights Out (screwed & chopped by OG Ron C)


Anonymous Bmaster said...

Hmm, what's to be done? You could try to take your mind off the dipset by exposing it to some mad geetar and the vocal stylings of el cam'ron.....sorry el camaron de la isla.

7:24 AM  
Anonymous BM said...

You probably want to avoid books, since they can be harmful. If you were a Twin Peaks fan, I might recommend you sit down with Michael and watch Laura. Make him drink SIGCCWC everytime you spot an obscure reference he misses.

7:33 AM  
Blogger Steve Austin said...

Tasty blog! Please check out my southern spirits wine blog.

7:53 PM  
Blogger Bill said...

wow the Kinsey report got #4 of the most harmful books...... I love this site. Keep up the good stuff.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Wine Cooler Stick said...

Pour some Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler into it, stick the spout into your nose and the pour the Secret Internet Google ...

7:58 AM  

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