Sunday, June 19

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 16)

Actually, the title of this post is almost completely misleading. I am with Michael McDonald, but the whole effort to be in Dipset Detox has been totally futile. My Dipset addiction rages on, the internet people continue to give me attention ,thus feeding the fire. You know my Dipset Detox isn't gonna work when Chris Lemon-Red, the undisputed internet-peoples' champ, sent me this hot Julez collabo with Brooke Valentine, along with permission to post (thanks dude!). So:
Brooke Valentine ft Juelz - As long as you come home
Even a person as special as Michael McDonald is powerless to help me. Plus, he's hardly in a mood to try to enforce my Detox and keep me from posting Dipset. Epcot's imagineers sent some ninjas disguised as girls to trap us. They fooled Michael McDonald into blasting his brains with a transcranial magnetic stimulator. As a consequence, Mike has four phantom limbs -- two phantom legs and two phantom arms:

So he's pretty bummed, as you would be too if you were a phantom octopod! As a consequence of having 4 phantom limbs, Mike has to ride in a wheelchair. And so before the imagineers could fuck us up any worse, we've fled using secret Google Maps interinternet travel cheats to get us to Wet & Wild, the water park. And so, contrary to what it says in the title of this post, we are not at Epcot Center right now.
It breaks my heart to see Mike so sad. Fortunately there are tons of sweet waterslides here to cheer him up. We're here at Wet & Wild after hours, so there are no lifeguards around right now. I'm a little worried about letting him Mike waterslide in his current condition, but I'd hate to deny him the fun of waterslides. Just be careful Mike!

Mike! Mike! Be careful! Go slow! (How do you slow down on a waterslide?)

He's really having fun on these waterslides! I just hope he doesn't injure his head any worse! MIKE! BE CAREFUL! Oh my god!! Look out for that BRICK!!!

NOOOO!!! This is the last thing I wanted to happen! Mike! MIKE!?! Are you alive? BREATHE!!
Paul Wall ft Archie Lee, Mike Jones - Breathe freestyle (screwed & chopped by DJ Michael Watts)
He's breathing, but he's totally knocked out! What am I going to do? There are no lifeguards here. I need to find some smelling salts or something. Frantically, I start scurrying around the deserted water park. Nothing in the snack bar, nothing in the kiddie pool. Wait! I think I hear somebody in the lifeguard office. The door's open so I go in.
Hey! It's R. Kelly! He's looking out the window with some binoculars!

"R. Kelly!" I exclaim, 'What are you doing here?"
He turns around ad looks at me and says "SHHHHHH!"
"What are you doing here?" I whisper.
"I'm stalking Debbie Harry."
Family Fodder - Debbie Harry
"Wha? Why are you stalking Debbie Harry?"
"Well," he says, "you remember how at the end of Trapped in the Closet, my girl says:

she says ok wipes her nose then asks me about a girl name tina
I thought to myself says it sounds familiar
then said that’ll I probably know her if I seen her
and then I said any way girl what the hell has that got to do
with this man
she said you know my girl roxanne
I said who the hell is roxanne
then she says roxanne’s a friend of mine
who knows this guy name Chuck
Chuck’s cool with this guy named Rufus
and I’m sitting there like what the fuck
then she says Rufus wife Cathy
we both went to high school
she introduced me to the policeman that stopped you
?"
"Yeah, of course I can remember.," I reply, "I don't really understand that ending, to tell you the truth. It's really unsatisfying. The whole series really maintained a great level of narrative tension, but then the ending was totally disappointing. I don't understand why she goes through that whole string of people? Is there gonna be another song? Was she boning that cop or what?"
"No. Here's what I found out since the ending of part 5. That policeman had a twin brother. They were separated at birth, and yet they both grew to be policemen. The twin brother briefly had a rookie partner who was kicked out of the police force for disciplinary reasons. After being kicked out of the force, the partner briefly worked as a rent-a-cop at a Mall in Akron. A dude who worked in the Orange Julius at that mall had an aunt who was Debbie Harry's dentist for a couple of years. And so now, I'm trying to figure out how Debbie Harry fits in to my "Trapped in the Closet" story."
"WHOA. Um, R..... er... Robert.. uh.. Mr. Kelly..., I am not understanding this story! Slow down!"
R. Kelly - Bump & Grind (Screwed & Chopped by DJ Screw)
R. Kelly - Seems like you're ready (Screwed & Chopped by DJ Screw)
"What don't you understand?"
"Well, first of all, why are you stalking Debbie Harry at Wet & Wild?"
And he just handed me the binoculars and motioned for me to point them out the window.

Family Fodder - Debbie Harry
WOW! DEBBIE HARRY IS SURFING IN THE WAVE POOL! WITH NO SURFBOARD!
"How is Debbie Harry surfing in the wave pool with no surfboard?"
"I don't know," said R. Kelly, "but I'm gonna find out."

6 Comments:

Anonymous mya said...

I just returned from a trip that was completely insane & lasted longer than it was supposed to & included 2 hospital trips and an emu. But I missed your blog. It is way more entertaining.

5:42 AM  
Blogger 893 said...

Whoa! Hope you're OK! And is that emu the bird or the keyboard?

1:17 PM  
Blogger nat said...

dude, gimme your email, i will send you this mp3 that is good.

post some McDonald MP3z too, I like him more than the dips. well not really... still post some.

nat@asilentflute.com

4:41 PM  
Anonymous mya said...

I'm fine. Can't say the same for the emu [bird] though.

1:50 AM  
Blogger 893 said...

Mya - yikes! Did you get into a scrap with an emu?!?

3:21 AM  
Anonymous mya said...

If, by "get into a scrap" you mean, "hit with a cheap rental car" then, yes, yes I did.

I wish it had been a keyboard. Or a "babytalker".

2:03 PM  

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