Wednesday, June 22

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 17)

"I've got it!"
"Whatchou got?" asked R. Kelly.
"I know how to help Michael McDonald! I remember this movie, Downtown 81, where Debbie Harry turns into a magic fairy when she kisses Jean-Michel Basquiat, and she gives him money and a car.."
"SO! She must be magic! Maybe she can revive Michael McDonald for me, and tell you who _really_ left that rubber in your bed."
"Ok.." R. Kelly answered but his face was still skeptical, maybe justifiedly. I guess I can't be sure Debbie Harry's magic is powerful enough to cure Michael McDonald's brain: he's been through a lot of neurological trauma. I mean, it's pretty magical to give Jean-Michel Basquiat money and a car, but her powers will need to have improved a lot since them to help Mike.
Juelz - On da spot freestyle
Like, her magic will need to have improved as much as Juelz has since back in the day. Compare the freestyle above ("I will push ya brainy back/with this black stainy mack/you don't wanna play wit dat/I'm a fuckin maniac") with this old track where he raps over the Police's Roxanne guitars ineptly (he ends 7 consecutive bars with the word "winter"!) also it doesn't make Juelz look any better the others on the track are Trina, Pimp C, Bun B, Ludacris, and Cam'ron You've come a long way Juelz! I only hope Debbie Harry's magic has improved as much as your rapping!

I should say: I am with R. Kelly in the lifeguard office just outside the wave pool of Wet & Wild, the water park. We are looking out the window at Debbie Harry, who is surfing in the wavepool, but without a surfboard.

I am trying to find a way to help Michael McDonald, who is unconcious from bonking his head on a brick while riding a waterslide.

Just so you know.

R. Kelly and I have agreed to ask if Debbie Harry can help us with her magic.

But before we leave the guardroom, R. Kelly alerts me to the presence of another person in the wavepool. IT'S PATRICK SWAYZE!! He's sitting on a surfboard. I wonder what he's saying?

Whatever it was, Debbie Harry doesn't seem to want to hear it.

She waves her hand, and a massive shark leaps majestically from the waters. Even more majestically, it bites off Patrick Swayze's head. Most majestic of all, though, are the trajectories of the torrents of blood which surge out of Swayze's neck, fast enough to be high in the air before the shark even falls back into the water. Patrick Swayze must have had high blood pressure. The Wet & Wild wavepool runs red. Oh boy!
E-40 - Oh Boy
(You may have noticed the extreme disparity in quality between the shark picture above and the usual pictures you see here. This is no coincidence, but rather because this picture is by my friend "Bowlegg'd Dieter", whose pictures rule and whose talents seem to go on forever, kind of like the awesome synth-bell tones in this E-40 track. Thanks "Bowlegg'd Dieter"!)

So we go up and ask Debbie Harry to help us, and she's like, "Sure." The three of us walk over to where Michael McDonald's body lies motionless. She gives Michael McDonald a kiss.
Saigon - Kiss the Babies

Then, she starts singing like a crazy laser. I think this is because kissing Michael McDonald has allowed her to sample his brain signals, which she is translating by singing the laser beam vocalizations. It sounds _EXACTLY_ like
Pierre Henry - Fantasia
which Pierre Henry made by similarly translating brainwaves into music. The only difference is that Pierre Henry used a big synthesizer to make the brain waves audible, whereas Debbie Harry is using her voice. So they sound pretty much the same.

Debbie Harry's singing seems to have worked! Michael McDondald has regained consciousness! Also, he seems to be able to move his limbs again! He's not a phantom octopod anymore!!
And with that, Debbie Harry disappears. Damn! Her magic is even better than Secret Google!

But wait! She forgot to tell R. Kelly with whom his woman was cheating on him! Why is he looking at Michael McDonald so suspiciously! Does he think Michael McDonald left that rubber in his bed! Oh no!


Blogger No Frontin' said...

Cot damn, i'm loving this shit like Mcdonalds.

6:01 PM  

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