Tuesday, October 4

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 49)

"Ay Mike ! Mike ! Mike ! MattSoReal posted up a free53 track Bun B mixtape . His best verses of all time. Maan! Bun B! The truly, really best rapper alive! Is this the best day in the history of the internet, or what?"
Uh oh...... I know what that look on Mike's face means!

"Man, that's great, but really I can't be bothered with 53 of Bun's greatest verses. Right now I gotta go kill somebody with the most lethal secret Google internet cheat codes!"
B-Legit - Kill somebody
"And then I gotta kill another somebody! And then another somebody! Et cetera! Et cetera! Until my secret Google has brought me sweet revenge on all of Epcot's Imagineers!"

"Mike. I've been meaning to tell you something. I've been meaning to tell you for a while. It's really hard for me to say this..."
"Ok, buddy. Well, just say what you gotta say quickly because I have to go cheat some imagineers to their doom."

"Ok. Ok. Basically, Mike, I want to convince you not to attack Epcot Center."
Mike isn't saying anything, but the look of disagreement in his face is withering. I can't even bring myself to make an animated gifford of the look of his face. Just take my word for it. I can tell convincing Mike is gonna be tough.
"Hear me out, Mike: I know you think that the imagineers are evil villains."

Beach Boys - Heroes And Villains (Last Part) (Stereo Mix)
"We both know that Epcot Center plans to replace everybody in the human race with animatronic replicas. But I don't remember you having any objection to their animatronic replacement scheme when you were getting us into animatronic Epcot parties with your cheat codes! You were all too happy to use cheat codes on the animatronic security to get us into the Psychedelic Speed Freaks show. Back then animatronic replicas of people didn't seem like such a bad thing, did they? Epcot's imagineers weren't your villainous enemies back then, were they?"

Beach Boys - Heroes And Villains (Part 1 - 2nd Vocal Overdub) (Stereo)

"So, I'm wondering... What is it that makes you wanna play hero all of a sudden?"

Beach Boys - Heroes And Villains (My Children Were Raised)(Vocal Overdub Take Unknown)(Mono)

"Now, granted, they did send an animatronic replica of you to blast me with lasers. They did send ninjas disguised as girls to that Psychedelic Speed Freaks show, and they tricked you into blasting yourself in the head with powerful magnetic waves, which temporarily put you in a wheelchair with 4 phantom limbs.

But didn't we give them good reason to attack us? Weren't we crashing theirparties and their concerts and riding all their rides, drunk as hell on secret Google wine coolers? Weren't we tresspassing? Are they villains for trying to stop us tresspassing?"

Beach Boys - Heroes And Villains Theme (Take 14)(Mono)

"Mike, why don't you admit that you're just mad because of the way you got handled by Epcot Center.


Beach Boys - Heroes And Villains (In The Cantina)(Vocal Overdub Take Unknown)(Mono)
Beach Boys - Heroes And Villains (In The Cantina)(Vocal Overdub Take Unknown)(Mono)

Mike replied: "Man, buddy you got me all wrong. I am mad about how Epcot Center handled me, and I got no qualms admitting that. Clearly I am no hero. Clearly I want revenge. I could give a shit about the morality or the principality of this shit (no hero).
I'm mad!
And you just made me madder, reminding me about all the shit they did to me and with this Heros and Villains bullshit! And I've got an invincible secret Google cheat code with the name of Epcot Center written all over it."
Trapped in the closet all at once (Michael McDonald's invincible secret Google cheat code remix)

"Ok, Mike. I admit my heros and villains argument was flawed. Forget about that. The real reason I don't want you to attack Epcot Center is that I don't think your cheat code is invincible at all. I think if you attack Epcot Center you'll just get beat down again."
"Yeah, Mike, that "invincible" cheat code really isn't shit, and I'm not just saying that to be modest, since you used fMRI scans of my brain to make it. That shit is just really not invincible at all.
I wish you would just let the whole thing go. Maybe this will make you relax. Listen to this:
Beach Boys - Heroes and Villains (Screwed)
I screwed the Beach Boys' Heros and Villains, and I jacked the bass up way too high. Listen to this and whule you're listening I want you to look at the animated giffords below. It is a network of descending She-Hulks. Look at the picture but don't look at the She-Hulks. I want you to focus your eyes on the interstices between the She-Hulks."
"Man, she's got some nice tits."
"What?!? No, Mike. Don't look at the She-Hulks. Look at the interstitial regions , not the She-Hulks."
"The what?"
"The interstices, Mike, the spaces in between the She-Hulks. Look at the spaces in between. It's a meditative exercise for your mind! Because, to paraphrase Lao Tzu: We work with pictures of She-hulk, but there's space in between the She-hulks also! So look at it!"
"I dunno, buddy, I just can't help lookin' at her tits!"

"Ok, buddy, that was nice. But you're wrong: my cheat code is invincible and Epcot Center is goin' down and that's it. Let's go!"
"I'm not coming."
"Mike, I'm not coming. I don't want to watch you charge into a certain ass-whooping. Plus what'll they do to me?"
"But you have to come! I need you to blog my revenge on Epcot Center, so the whole internet'll know that I won and they lost."
"OH! Ohhhh. I see then! This is really all about you saving face with a bunch of goddamn internet people! Man, that is really pathetic."
"Just come on..."
"No. I'm not coming."
"Yes you are!"
"Ok, buddy. Ok. Say, there's a new joke goin around. You heard it?"
"What the fuck are you talking about jokes for, Mike?"
"You heard it?"
"Mike, this is serious. I.."
"What did the five fingers.... SAY TO THE FACE!?!?"
"That was cold-blooodeeedd.
I'm Michael McDonald, bitch!
And you are coming back to Epcot with me, even though I have to carry your unconcious, mummified ass all the way there!"


Blogger wayne&wax said...

high drama!

6:51 PM  
Blogger Mr. Babylon said...

Jesus fuck, man. You are still killin' it over here. Fuck.

8:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the avengers? uncalled for. leave vizh outta this.

5:34 AM  
Blogger Dutch Oven said...

It became a cult among little kids, to see who Michael McDonald, the giant talking lobe, would talk to. Pretty soon, the kids found out that if you visited him a certain amount of times, he'd eventually talk to them. He became the star attraction at Epcot Center. People were lining up for hours to see the stupid lobe. Ticket sales went through the roof. Pretty soon, we had 10 different lobes touring the world and permanent lobes at Disney´┐Żs California Adventure, Euro Disneyland (based on Michael McDonald from the Motown movies) and Disney Sea in Japan.

9:25 PM  

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