Tuesday, November 29

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center is over and it was a miserable failure

Yeah, the Dipset Detox story is over. Uh.... So what do you wanna talk about now?
I tried to get out of my Dipset addiction -- really. I went to Epcot Center with MMcD to cure myself of listening to Dipset. But I failed. What can I say? I pulled the handle but the door didn't budge.

To all the people who read my blog and who wish I would stop posting Dipset tracks, all I can say is I'm sorry, because...
I have to post J.R. versioning this beat that the Neptunes made for Nore...
J.R. Writer - I'm a G freestyle
and of which M.A.T.T. posted a mpfree in which Pharrell freestyles on it himself on the Westwood show.

Cam'ron ft Nicole Wray - I love my life
"I never claimed to be hard, tough, gangster, or none of the above (maybe once or twice)"
Yeah, and you can get the video from the indispensable U-mad.net, where I would recommend you enter the piff at least thrice weekly.

And yeah Juelz is on his grind, and he has approximately 300 songs done that didn't make it to WTGBM!, and I hope they all leak so I can post them on my blog.
Juelz ft Paul Wall, Rico - Love on da grind

Also Juelz is making more news than my frail mind can handle: collaborating with Ghostface, releasing another mixtape very soon, and making a Happy Days video ??!!
And dancing with Lindsay Lohan on broadcast TV while Jay Leno winces in the background?!?! Checkerboard Chimes has the video clip of this strange TV event posted up but it doesn't play on my computer. But:

This Juelz newelz is making me feel like if you combined blissfully blatant uber-siked-ness with the vertiginously vacant dumbstruckness portrayed by the facial expression giffordized below:


That's a powerful feeling!
And also: don't forget, coming soon I am going to do a post where I tell you how to make animated giffords like me. In no time, you will be able to express your feelings on the internet as accurately I do! Don't watch me, watch my blog!

Tuesday, November 22

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 63)

Michael McDonald pressed the boombox above his head and played his remix, which he continued to believe was invincible.
R Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once (Michael McDonald's invincible secret neural basis of music appreciation Google cheat code remix)

But how are the imagineers going to respond?

Man, how do you think they're gonna respond? This is a group of people whose name means engineers of imagination. They're gonna do something imaginative.

Imaginitively, the imagineers engineered a remix of Michael McDonald's of remix of Michael Burncopy's remix of the first 5 of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" videos. And holy shit this remix is powerful!

R Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once (Hardoff's imaginitively outsourced by the Epcot imagineers remix of Michael McDonald's invincible secret neural basis of music appreciation Google cheat code remix)

See? Look at how the remix makes Michael McDonald dance!

Ugh. That is an UGly dance.

And, I should say, the Epcot Imagineers didn't exactly engineer that remix. At least not in the traditional sense. Nope, the Imagineers outsourced their remix, but trust me, it's about the most imaginative act of outsourcing you're ever likely to witness on the internet. They outsourced the remix to what is, in my experience, the most imaginative blog in the whole internet, Cup Noodle Burns (AKA Bong Bong Froths). This blog does something no other blog on the internet has ever done: when people put links to mpfrees of tracks that they have made in the comments section of Cup Noodle Burns, the blog engineers a remix of their track and links to it in a later post! And the remix is almost always better than the original track. Incredible!

Well, I should say, the Bong Bong Froths blog doesn't exactly engineer the remixes. At least not in the traditional, autonomous sense. Rather, Cup Noodle Burns outsources the actual remixing, but trust me, it's about the most imaginative outsourcing a blog will ever do. Cup Noodle Burns outsources the remix to an Australian breakcore (or whatever) producer, who is expatriated to Japan, and who is awesome, and he is named Hard Off. There are quite a few of Hardoff's remixes at the Cup Noodle Burns blog. Download them and watch yourself dance crazy. But first watch how they make Michael McDonald dance:

The Spiders - Monkey Dance
Michael McDonald is certainly dancing kerr-rrazy. His dances are hateit recapitulating phylogeny!

OK, Mike, it's a good remix. You can stop dancing now! Please stop! You're embarassing yourself!
Mike!MIKE! Stop dancing! You're making an ass of yourself! Man, I am blogging this shit on the internet and you look stupid dancing with the Imagineers making you dance like a damn hemiballismic baboon! Please stop!
The Terrys - Stop Dance


Oh shit! Mike just tried to capture his disobedient right foot in a headlock, but it's not working. His body is involuntarily turning his foot-headlock move into a dancemove. That is just atrocious!

Oh my god, Mike, what the hell?

Mike, now you're just dancing like Princess Kitty at the ballroom dance or some shit. Where in the hell did you learn that dance? And why is the thing you're dancing atop shining like Paul Wall's mouth (I mean, the shine Paul Wall's mouth outsources (and owes?) to his orthodontics) ?
Young Cash ft Paul Wall - Disco Ball
(Speaking of shine, as much shine as Paul Wall's been getting recently (and trust, I got as much love for the Rick-Astley-of-Rap as the next blogger), don't let that make you neglect to give Dungeon Family their shine. Remind yourself with these heavily-laden-with-obscure-DF-mpfrees posts at the West Egg Plantation and the Rio Rio Good Good blog blog)

Mike! All right man I hope you're happy. You're messed up dances are gonna make you the laughingstock of the internet. I've seen all I need to see. Let's Cut & Run the fuck out of Epcot Center before it gets any worse. Let's get back on our secret Google Maps secret interinterintet cheat space and leave this malevolent theme park.



"Buddy, why the hell did we leave?"
"I had those imagineers right where I wanted em!"
"What the hell are you talking about? You were dancing like a damn fool to their remix! You're lucky we got out of their before you danced your limbs off. I don't know if secret internet Google Maps secret interinterintet cheats work for paraplegics!"
"No! No! I... wanted to do those dances... I was setting them up with a false sense of success so that I could... uh..."

Maan. Michael McDonald thinks he meant to do those embarassing dances, but he's confabulating. Pathetic. I'm gonna start calling him "Michael McDenial".


"I mean, actually, I meant to leave... Yeah, that's the ticket! I'll take some time to prepare my next attack. Make the Imagineers think they're off the hook. Yeah, buddy, everybody knows revenge is a dish best served cold! HAHAHA! It's not over, buddy. IT'S NOT OVER!"

X Japan - Unfinished


Well really not really. I mean, you won't see Michael McDonald's face around here for probably at least a couple weeks, but he'll be back I expect.

BUT, coming soon: "Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center" the movie! And when I say "The Movie", I'm talking about the big time! I.e., movies you play in Quicktime Player! OWWWWW! Courtesy of my collaborator! And if you're in Germany you can sneak a peak of a segment of the movie, along with some of his other work, much of which you can and you should and, actually, you must check, because it is way good.

Speaking of good: in a coming soon post I will tell y'all how I make my good animated giffords! So you can make your blog good like mine!


Wednesday, November 16

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 62)

Yes, the imagineers have a lot of moves. But that's not why Michael McDonald is going to lose this fight I think.


The superiority of the Epcot Center imagineers over Michael McDonald derives not so much from their moves per se, but to a rather greater degree from their presence. It's hard to explain it really in a blog on the computer website -- I can't get at enough of your senses to transmit the necessary data to you. You kind of have to be here. Or maybe if you had smell tones installed on your browser. And if my blog was less flat.

P-model - 2D or not 2D

Meanwhile, Michael McDonald is preparing to unleash his self-proclaimed invincible secret Google cheat code secret remix as a countermeasure against the imagineers' onslaught. He is carefully adjusting the equalization and balance on, and generally just being all fastidious and careful with, his boombox.

Even though Michael McDonald used BOLD signals from my brain to make this remix of Michael Burncopy's remix of the first 5 of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" videos hateit (the construction of which remix I described here), I have little faith that this remix is in fact invincible. I mean, it sounds so shitty. I don't see why Michael McDonald is being so careful with the knobs on his boombox just to play his crappy, so-not-invincible remix.

"Buddy, that's 'cause you just don't get it. My remix is an invincible soundwavehateit, but only for a very narrow range of playback conditions. With a noisy signal like my invincible remix, where the noise is an important part of the signal the acoustics have to be just right. It's not like attracting customers with a neon sign or something, buddy!"
Nerve Net Noise - Neon
"Look, buddy, just accept that my secret Google is over your head and just watch my invincible remix slaughter the imagineers, and then write about it on your blog so that the whole internet will know. Don't sweat the technical details. Because at the end of the day it's all about having some fun, jamming my remix tape with a boombox hateit. That and killing the imagineers."
X Japan - I'll Kill you
Gangsta Boo ft DJ Paul - Hard not 2 kill

hateit "HERE GOES, BUDDY!!"
R Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once (Michael McDonald's invincible secret Google cheat code remix)
Well, I guess we'll see if this is really an invincible remix.