Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 25)

Michael McDonald continues to ascend into a state of absolute apoplexy.
"BLOØ¥NGGG those Epcot Mother∫¨nπøqers in the ˆøπøπø∆!!!"
Man, it's gotten so intense when Mike tries to say cusswords, he instead vocalizes strange non-phonemic sound effects: chirps, trills, etc.
Kind of like the clean version of that new Ying Yang single, which utilizes some really nifty synth effects and slowdowns to delete out all the expletives. (Taken together with the sitars and the tastefully-restrained bongoes, this one has supplanted the one with Trick Daddy from the last album for the title of my favorite Ying Yang mpfree.)
Ying Yang ft Mike Jones - Badd (clean)
See what I mean? Michael McDonald is producing similar noises out of his mouth when he tries to cuss. Probably a good thing for this blog, since Michael McDonald's cussing has probably been too frequent for the tastes of many readers (it is for my Mom's at least - she told me so).


Oh boy.... Michael McDonald just got worse. You know how sometimes when folks get the spirit they start talking in tongues and doing the St Vitus dance and all that? Well, now instead of making cool sound-designy noises when he tries to cuss, Michael McDonald's mouth is vocalizing incredibly urgent-sounding orchestral breakcore which also has demonic synth interventions, and also Motley Crue and Herbie Lovebug samples. Which is all the more impressive, since a
Venetian Snares fansite
only just recently posted a gaggle of Venetian Snares live sets, among which is included a set he performed in Detroit on 3/5/05, which if you download and listen to it, you will not believe the incredible symptoms Michael McDonald is displaying right now, because how could the internet be so lucky that breakcore this blessed exists at all, let alone that it would be coming out of anyone's mouth, even one as world renowned as Michael McDonald's?
Cam, Juelz, & Jim - World Reknown


I don't know what Michael McDonald is trying to say with these great breakcore songs, but I bet it is either a description of another secret Google cheat code or it is about how bad he hates Epcot's imagineers.

Actually, Michael McDonald doesn't really sound like that. I'm sorry.
He really does sound crazy and scary right now, but to adequately describe how he sounds with text it would take a better blogger than me. And I don't have any recording devices at hand, and even if I did, Mike's voice is using Secret internet Google>Arts>Music secret ultrasonic falsetto cheat expletive replacement strategies , which don't sound good when encoded in mp3. Plus, isn't this Venetian Snares totally good?

I mean, how could any mouth, even one as magnificent as Michael McDonald's
make all those sounds? Yes, Michael McDonald has a superb vocal tract. Yes, his breath control is nothing short of a miracle.
And yes, he's forgotten more Secret Google cheat codes than any of us will ever know. But it takes a another kind of mind, and a computer, to make the music that Venetian Snares makes. And Michael McDonald's mouth, however limitless its endowments can sometimes seem, does not have these things.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 63)

Michael McDonald pressed the boombox above his head and played his remix, which he continued to believe was invincible.
R Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once (Michael McDonald's invincible secret neural basis of music appreciation Google cheat code remix)

But how are the imagineers going to respond?


Man, how do you think they're gonna respond? This is a group of people whose name means engineers of imagination. They're gonna do something imaginative.


Imaginitively, the imagineers engineered a remix of Michael McDonald's of remix of Michael Burncopy's remix of the first 5 of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" videos. And holy shit this remix is powerful!

R Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once (Hardoff's imaginitively outsourced by the Epcot imagineers remix of Michael McDonald's invincible secret neural basis of music appreciation Google cheat code remix)

See? Look at how the remix makes Michael McDonald dance!


Ugh. That is an UGly dance.

And, I should say, the Epcot Imagineers didn't exactly engineer that remix. At least not in the traditional sense. Nope, the Imagineers outsourced their remix, but trust me, it's about the most imaginative act of outsourcing you're ever likely to witness on the internet. They outsourced the remix to what is, in my experience, the most imaginative blog in the whole internet, Cup Noodle Burns (AKA Bong Bong Froths). This blog does something no other blog on the internet has ever done: when people put links to mpfrees of tracks that they have made in the comments section of Cup Noodle Burns, the blog engineers a remix of their track and links to it in a later post! And the remix is almost always better than the original track. Incredible!

Well, I should say, the Bong Bong Froths blog doesn't exactly engineer the remixes. At least not in the traditional, autonomous sense. Rather, Cup Noodle Burns outsources the actual remixing, but trust me, it's about the most imaginative outsourcing a blog will ever do. Cup Noodle Burns outsources the remix to an Australian breakcore (or whatever) producer, who is expatriated to Japan, and who is awesome, and he is named Hard Off. There are quite a few of Hardoff's remixes at the Cup Noodle Burns blog. Download them and watch yourself dance crazy. But first watch how they make Michael McDonald dance:


The Spiders - Monkey Dance
Michael McDonald is certainly dancing kerr-rrazy. His dances are recapitulating phylogeny!

OK, Mike, it's a good remix. You can stop dancing now! Please stop! You're embarassing yourself!

Mike!MIKE! Stop dancing! You're making an ass of yourself! Man, I am blogging this shit on the internet and you look stupid dancing with the Imagineers making you dance like a damn hemiballismic baboon! Please stop!
The Terrys - Stop Dance



Oh shit! Mike just tried to capture his disobedient right foot in a headlock, but it's not working. His body is involuntarily turning his foot-headlock move into a dancemove. That is just atrocious!


Oh my god, Mike, what the hell?


Mike, now you're just dancing like Princess Kitty at the ballroom dance or some shit. Where in the hell did you learn that dance? And why is the thing you're dancing atop shining like Paul Wall's mouth (I mean, the shine Paul Wall's mouth outsources (and owes?) to his orthodontics) ?
Young Cash ft Paul Wall - Disco Ball
(Speaking of shine, as much shine as Paul Wall's been getting recently (and trust, I got as much love for the Rick-Astley-of-Rap as the next blogger), don't let that make you neglect to give Dungeon Family their shine. Remind yourself with these heavily-laden-with-obscure-DF-mpfrees posts at the West Egg Plantation and the Rio Rio Good Good blog blog)


Mike! All right man I hope you're happy. You're messed up dances are gonna make you the laughingstock of the internet. I've seen all I need to see. Let's Cut & Run the fuck out of Epcot Center before it gets any worse. Let's get back on our secret Google Maps secret interinterintet cheat space and leave this malevolent theme park.



THE END

"Buddy, why the hell did we leave?"
"Huh?"
"I had those imagineers right where I wanted em!"
"What the hell are you talking about? You were dancing like a damn fool to their remix! You're lucky we got out of their before you danced your limbs off. I don't know if secret internet Google Maps secret interinterintet cheats work for paraplegics!"
"No! No! I... wanted to do those dances... I was setting them up with a false sense of success so that I could... uh..."

Maan. Michael McDonald thinks he meant to do those embarassing dances, but he's confabulating. Pathetic. I'm gonna start calling him "Michael McDenial".




"I mean, actually, I meant to leave... Yeah, that's the ticket! I'll take some time to prepare my next attack. Make the Imagineers think they're off the hook. Yeah, buddy, everybody knows revenge is a dish best served cold! HAHAHA! It's not over, buddy. IT'S NOT OVER!"

X Japan - Unfinished

THE END?

Well really not really. I mean, you won't see Michael McDonald's face around here for probably at least a couple weeks, but he'll be back I expect.

BUT, coming soon: "Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center" the movie! And when I say "The Movie", I'm talking about the big time! I.e., movies you play in Quicktime Player! OWWWWW! Courtesy of my collaborator! And if you're in Germany you can sneak a peak of a segment of the movie, along with some of his other work, much of which you can and you should and, actually, you must check, because it is way good.

Speaking of good: in a coming soon post I will tell y'all how I make my good animated giffords! So you can make your blog good like mine!

YAHTZEE, YACHT-TIME!

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 40)

Oh man! I'm so sorry it's been a while since I updated you on me & Michael McDonald's progress! Michael McDonald's is about to launch a secret Google internet cheat attack on Epcot's imagineers with a cheat code he believes to be invincible. As you know, I am trying to convince him not to because.
1) The cheat code is not invincible
2) I think Michael McDonald's motivation for launching this attack is questionable
3) I think Michael McDonald will get his ass unceremoniously handed back to him
So I want to convince Mike that he should not attack Epcot, but I can't think of a good argument! It's like my mind is working in slow motion!
Fiend ft Pee Wee - Slow Motion

It's times like these that make me wish that somebody who's good with a telestrator would just display the right words to me. I'd read 'em! I'd read 'em convincingly! You'd be seriously moved if you saw how I can read words and make 'em heartfelt! All you need to do is find a telestrator, and then use it to tell me what to say!

Oh hell... Nobody can tell Michael McDonald not to attack Epcot Center right now but me. I know this. Still, it's hard. At least the new Paul Wall album is making me feel better.... It's so good, even the sappy lovesong track of the album is tight (but only the screwed version)
Paul Wall - Girl
But shit, what am I going to say to Michael McDonald?!?

(ACTUALLY, that is not the real reason I haven't been blogging. Because the Michael McDonald story is just pretend (you knew that). The real reasons are:
1) Katrina, which how could you not be preoccupied with that right now? Everybody's preoccupied with that right now, and rightly so, of course. My particular preoccupation has not lent itself to blogging about it.
2) I am finally writing my thesis, which is eating massive chunks out of my make-animated-gifs time.

I can tell you that the Michael McDonald story is going to end soon, like some time in the next 2-20 posts. And that those posts will come trickling out at a slow pace. Sorry.
I also have some good news! Coming soon after Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center the blog story ends, Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center the movie(s)!

Also check out this bitchin new Jason Forrest FKA Donna Summer track.

Also: could somebody please tell me when it became possible for a mysterious internet dude to be the best writer alive? Because to my mind, nobody is fucking with Billmon right now. Dude blows my mind, often multiple times daily. He's like the Wayne Marshall of political blogs...

I'm really worried about Michael McDonald

Several moments ago, I received a disturbing RM from Michael McDonald!



What you don't know what an "RM" is? Oh yeah, I forgot: you don't know about secret Google except for what I tell you on my blog!

"RM" stands for secret secret Google talk secret Retroactivated secret Messager internetsies. RM is like your IM or when you invade MySpace instantaneously with emoticons or whatever, except it's much much more instant. RMs propagate through interinterinternet particles at ann irregular speed, such that they travel backwards in time. Mike's RM came from several weeks hence (which, coincidentally, is when the next MMcD post-series will begin).

One part of the message was an enigmatic animatronic gifford Mike made by himself


I'm glad Mike's taking giffordogenesis into his own hands, but I dunno what those floppies are supposed to mean. I guess they're supposed to be sad, because read what the text of Mike's RM, of which here's a picture, says :

Yeah that's right, RMs are written on paper in composition notebooks. So in addition to being more instant than instant, they are also more organic. Also, you see how Michael McDonald underlined his name and wrote it in a different color pen. That's how you do links in RMs, and so, similar to internet links, when I touch the words "Michael McDonald" I go to Michael McDonald's webpage. Unlike internet links, in an RM I actually also think about Michael McDonald when I go to his webpage.

Hrvatski - Organix
Don't get jealous, maybe someday I will teach you how to do this cheatcode.

But doesn'tMichael McDonald's handwriting look wierd? I think he's still dancing to the Hardoff remix Epcot's imagineers threw at him.

Saying that thing about "Numbers are not just facts", Michael McDonald is alluding to Digby's post about this Post garbage, but the numbers Mike's talkin bout are the numbers his new Xmas album is doing, and those are some big numbers. So why does he say he feels bad? I don't know, and not knowing is all the more baffling!

I do know this: fuck whoever might want to talk down on Michael McDonald because his last 3 albums have been Motown, Motown 2, and an Xmas album (on Hallmark records!). Whoever is saying "What is he scared to songwrite the songs for himself?" Please! Ever since he was saying "Foreign Movie", Michael McDonald's credibility has been indelibility and it will be forever! So you need to just stop talking all that shit. Plus this Xmas album is hella good! Feel his FaLaLas:

Michael McDonald - Deck the halls/Jingle Bells
Michael McDonald - Auld Lang Syne/O Tannenbaum (Reprise)

And so that's the message Michael McDonald RM'd me. Michael McDonald has me so worried, because it's really unlike him to be so cryptic! Is he still planning revenge against the imagineers? Or is he too ashamed of those dances he was doing? I don't know what it means, and I couldn't write back to him to ask him to clarify, because he sent me the message from the future, and he hasn't shown me yet how to send messages to the future. I'm going to listen to his Xmas album a lot because maybe there's secret messages in it! But I'm really worried!