I found Michael McDonald (zero point one four)

You were worried about Cam'ron.
Cam'ron - Hot mess


Well, I'm worried about helping Armen Boladian's lawyer's help Armen Boladian! He says he'll help Michael McDonald, but will he really?



I remember first learning about Armen Boladian in a wayneandwax blogspostulation about George Clinton and Hank Shocklee.

Armen Boladian ran Westbound Records, which released George Clinton's Funkadelic records. Later he stole ownership of the Funkadelic masters from Clinton, and used his lawyers to enforce his fake ownership in >700 lawsuits, thereby killing sampling. Armen Boladian used his lawyers to kill hiphop! He even used his lawyers to sue Warren G for having a George Clinton feature CUUUURTIS-esquely extended end-of-track greasytalk against Armen Boladian:

Warren G ft George Clinton, Mista Grimm - Speed Dreamin

I can see why Dr. Jacoby says Armen Boladian is eviller than Darth Cheney!



Maybe this means he is not trustworthy? Maybe I shouldn't trust him to help me help Michael McDonald if I help his lawyers help him? ALSO: help his lawyers help him do what exactly? Does he want to kill hiphop even deader?

"All right, enough of that," Armen Boladian is reading my blog before I publish the posts! UH OH! " I hereby use my lawyers to externalize all your rhetorical questions, unpleasantly, and I also retroactively disentitle you to internal monologues on this blog, and, pursuant to which, you now owe me:"




"WHA!?! Armen Boladian, I can't scrape up that kind of capital! You are scaring my computer. I made some scary computer screenshots in a gifford:"


"I already know, your computer is scary. Well, if you can't pay in financial capital, then I'll use my lawyers to redeem the value in social capital. OR, creative capital."

"What the hell does that mean."

I found Michael McDonald (pt 10)

"Is it Olivia Newton-John?"
"OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN!!?? HOW CAN YOU THINK SHE IS EVILLER THAN DICK CHENEY?! And besides, what could she do to disabuse Michael McDonald of his Chewbacchanaliomanic delusions?"

Phreak - Acid On
Third World - Sense of purpose
Tyree - Acid Crash

"Oh I don't know... Her eyes seem to be very alert a lot of the time. Like too much of the time, and that seems possibly evil. Plus too, I hear she likes to get physical, if u know what I mean (;-P), & I bet that, moreso than any of your baloney, magic tricks, & psychological mumbo-jumbo, 'd help Michael Mickey D get right right quick, ain't that right, Mike?"
"Aaaa guhaaaa aaaaa uhaa aar rrrrnnn uhnnnn nnn uhnhh"
"YEAH! RIGHT! MIKE. E. MICK. E. D. MIKE! E! MICK! E! D! U! PHYSICAL. UH! HELPFUL. UH HUH!!! CHEW BACK A LOREAL!"
"Hey stop that! Stop fucking with Michael! And must you put down my psychological helping methods? How do you think that makes me feel? Bad enough we are waiting for this bad meaning bad badass man of whom I am scared so shitless. He is way worse than Dick Cheney & Olivia Newton-John, combined."


"I mean BAD! I won't say his name."

I'm fucking with Dr. Jacoby. I am, that's true. Not so much because he tried to make me lose face with his intra-facial oviposition methods, but because his psychobabble paleologisms failed so totally at helping Michael McDonald with his wookie self-identification, and then tried to blame me.
Also: I'm bored! For so long, we've been awaiting for this putatively-eviller-than-Dick-Cheney person who is (albeit also putatively) the only one powerful enough to help Mike not make animal noises instead of talking.
Freeky Zekey ft Cam'ron & Juelz - Daddy's back (c/o Nah Right)


Then again, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on Jacoby. After all, he's just a dumb old hawaiiophilic hippie and this is the internet, he doesn't know. How can he recognize that the only virtue is in employing a strategy of anarchy in which incoherence is used to flummox the opposition and confuse the mediums?
WAIT A MINUTE! Maybe he can. Maybe if I help him to. I should help Dr. Jacoby! I've been meaning to try to use internet to help people, both the people I hang out with in real life like Dr. Jacoby & Michael McDonald, as well as my fake life people who read blogs on the internet. Well, there is no time but the present...


"Hey Jacoby, while we're waiting, how about we go in the waiting room? Maybe I have a technique that can help you..."