Friday, August 26

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 38)

"Mike, can we get started scanning my brain already? I've been trapped in this damn scanner too long already!"
"Ok, buddy, ok... I just finished getting the rest of the equipment assembled. Let's go."
Michael McDonald says he's going to scan my brain to make a new secret Google internet cheat code which he claims will be invincible. He intends to use this cheat code to get revenge on the Imagineers who work at Epcot Center. He flipped on the magnet and it made my ears pop.
Juvenile ft Ludacris - Pop you
"I just gotta get the scanner calibrated. Listen to this Juve & Luda track while I get this thing working."
So I listened to the track. When it ended, I asked Mike: "Will you show me your scans of my brains? Tell me, do you really know how to interpret fMRI scans?"
Rich Boy ft Bubba Sparxx - Tell me do you know (prod. by Timbo)
Rich Boy - Show me the money (probably also prod. by Timbo)
Here is the brain scan Michael McDonald showed me:
hateit
"So, there's my brain..."
"Yep."
"Ok... Um.. So, how does scanning my brain help you make a secret Google cheat code?"
"I'll tell you when we finish. First I'm going to show you Michael Burncopy's remix of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" video where he layered all 5 parts on top of each other. I'm going to monitor your brain signals as you watch the video. "
Ok... Well, if I'm going to sit in this stupid MRI scanner, at least I'm going to be well entertained. I totally love this video. Maybe almost as much as Michael McDonald. But I think Mike has the magnet turned up too high, because the video looks all wierd. Below are some pictures of what the video is supposed to look like, and some pictures of what it looks like to me right now, here in the MRI scanner. You should also consult the original video again. And here is the audio:
R. Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once audio

hateithateit
hateithateit
hateit
hateit
hateit
hateit
"Perfect! It worked! My invincible secret Google cheat code is complete! Good work!"
"What did I do?"
"As you watched the combined R. Kelly videos, I watched the scanner as it recorded the thoughts and feelings that came to you."
hateithateithateit
hateithateithateit
"I have rendered audible your thoughts and feelings about the R. Kelly video, using this, my secret weapon:
hateit
"Dude! 'Your secret weapon'?!?!? That's the piece-of-shit tape player I bought off of some hippie for $4 on the sidewalk! That's not _your_ secret weapon, first of all.... Second of all, how did my piece of shit tape player allow you to "render audible my thoughts and feelings"?
"Simple. You know how a tape player will play back fast if you depress the play button only partway? And how the playback speed and volume is sensitively dependent on how hard you depress? Well, while I was watching your brain signals, I was recording the audio while depressing the play button only part way, varying the pressure applied by my finger in direct proportion to the brain activation you experienced while you were watching the R. Kelly video. I have thus captured all your reactions in a soundfile! That soundfile is my invincible secret Google cheat code!"
R Kelly - Trapped in the closet all at once (Michael McDonald's invincible secret Google cheat code remix)

"I still don't get it. Why does that make it an invincible secret Google cheat code?"
"Why?!?! Don't you see? I am the first person in history to faithfully document the neural basis of music appreciation in a piece of music, which is basically the greatest accomplishment in the history of art, and also science. It's not just the song, but it's also a comprehensive record of somebody else (you) listening to and appreciating the song. When the Imagineers hear this soundfile, they'll be completely mesmerized by its intricacies! They'll devote all their energies to listening to it, appreciating it, remixing it, writing scholarly articles about it! They won't be able to imagineer anything else! Epcot Center is about to become Trapped in the closet all at once (Michael McDonald's invincible secret Google cheat code remix) Center!"

"But Mike, if this soundfile is so irresistably dangerous and mesmeric, why are you posting it on my blog? All the internet people who come here will be exposed to the soundfile too! And then they'll get hooked!'
"Oh, yeah. Hadn't thought of that... Oh well, fuck em. They're just internet people anyway. It's not like they have anything better to do. Let's go use this cheat code on the imagineers!"

Thursday, August 18

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 37)

hateithateit
Michael McDonald, is assembling some equipment. I can tell by the clatter he's making that he's agitated. I'm in the MRI scanner like: what the f** is goin on.
" Mike: what the f** is goin on?"
"It's a conspiracy," Mike responded.
"What's a conspiracy?"
horsemikes
"Motherfuckers, linking to this blog, sending traffic enough to blow your bandwidth... Motherfuckers are trying to stop us!"
"Mike, are you saying you think WFMU's "Beware of the Blog" is in cahoots with the Epcot Imagineers? That's the stupidest shit I ever heard!"
"Yeah I think that! Plus they put up a picture where I look fat!"
"Mike, you don't look fat in that picture!"
"Really? Thanks... But why does my complexion look like that? It's like I'm dipped in honey."
Jim Jones ft JR Writer, Juelz, Latiff - Honey Dip
"..."
"Well anyway, that blown bandwidth won't stop us, buddy. We'll just use megaupload links."
"Whatever, dude. How about why don't you tell me why you have me in this MRI scanner."
"Well, you're in the MRI scanner because I need to record some information from your brain. To make this invincible Google cheat code, I need to use the blood oxygen level-dependent (BOLD) contrast mechanism on some of the down south parts of your brain."
horsemikes
horsemikes
Raekwon - Down South
"'Down south' parts of my brain? That doesn't make sense. Neuroscientists customarily use 'dorsal-ventral', 'medial-lateral', and 'anterior-posterior' (or sometimes 'rostral-caudal', if they're being pretentious) to describe the different axes of the brain... You can't just say 'Down south' parts of my brain! Nobody will know where you're talking about!"
"Back off man, I'm not a Neuroscientist. I use the jargon I want. This is Secret Google cheat moves, bitch! Now if you'll pardon me, it's lunchtime."horsemikes
Raekwon - Fish & Chips
Raekwon - Spring water
horsemikes
Pardon him? I'm not in much position to pardon him or not pardon him, trapped in this MRI scanner... But seriously, I wonder what he wants to do with the signals from my brain. And I wonder what the equipment he's putting together out there is... What is this invincible secret Google cheat code all about?
(UPDATE: Actually, my bandwidth is unblown now... Thanks OG!)
(Also: can we talk about how good Capo is now?
Jim Jones - Jimmy
Can we talk about One-eyed Willy's cursive penmanship? It's better than mine, and he's only got one eye! The lack of stereopsis should be wreaking havoc. His scrawl oughtta be all over the page, but it's not! (c/o Catch Deini)
(UPDATE2: The Kanye+Killa track has come to an internet near you and, please please please go click . Checkerboard Chimes says it's the song of the year, and I am with him... Poof POOF.

Monday, August 15

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 36)

"Michael McDonald, I'm not sure I'm down with having you scan my brain so that you can make an invincible weaponized secret Google internet cheat code."
Chamillionaire - Down & Out Freestyle
Fat Pat - It's Going Down (screwed by Dj Screw)
"Maaan! Where's your scientific curiosity? Where's your sense of adventure? Where's your justifiable outrage at Epcot's Imagineers for sending ninjas dressed as girls who were dressed as prisoners but not wearing pants fool me into blasting my skull?! And also, how bout when they sent an animatronic cyborg disguised as me to blast you with lasers!? AND, did you forget that they plan to replace everybody in the human race with animatronic replicas? Really, how could you not want me to scan your brain right now? Get into this fMRI scanner, so I can use the blood oxygen level-dependent (BOLD) contrast mechanism to scan your brain for the reasons why you don't want to let me scan your brain! And also so I can make the tuffest secret Google cheat code yet!"
Hmm. I guess I will never really know why I don't want to have my brain scanned until somebody scans my brain for metabolic signals that accompany my brain's representation of my hesitancy to have my brain scanned. Maybe Michael McDonald isn't qualified to operate a machine that can acquire these signals in my brain, and maybe he doesn't know how to interpret those signals correctly, but then again he knows a lot of secret Google, so maybe it'll be OK... Guess I won't know unless I try!

hateit
"Actually, you're not moving the way you're supposed to. I can't scan your brain properly if you move that way!"
The Homosexuals - You're not moving the way you're supposed to.
"Oh sorry!" I replied, "How's this?"
hateit
"WHOA! Slow down, potna! That's not the right way to move!"
The Homosexuals - You're not moving the way you're supposed to (pt 2)
"How the hell am I going to scan your brain if you move all fast and burst into a psychedelic color pattern? Don't you know anything about magnetism? I just meant that you should go head first. Now re-enter the scanner the right way!"

hateit
The Homosexuals - Re-entry
"Yeah, now we can scan that brain and make that secret Google!"
(Do you know about the Homosexuals? They are the greatest band of all times! Go look at web pages about them:
Jamming magazine
Hyped2death
Heartsinexile)

Friday, August 12

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 35)

hateithateithateitMike says: "Ok, we're going to make an invincible weaponized secret Google cheat code. I just need you to jump into this MRI scanner. You'll need to take off your pinky ring, lest you crack the 17 Tesla coil I just got off secret Froogle.
Chamillionaire ft Rasaq - Panky Rang
Juelz - Crack
hateithateithateit
hateithateit
hateit
hateit
hateit
hateit
hateit
"I'm not wearing a pinky ring, Mike!"
(Also: Go see Sean Hardly elucidate the futility of Dipset Detox. (I realize my own efforts to demonstrate this futility are perhaps overly indirect and elliptical for the casual browser to understand my purposes here (and, after all, who browses in any other way?)).

Tuesday, August 9

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 34)

"B'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b."
"Mike?"
"B'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b'b."
"Mike, what the hell are those noises you're making?"
"That's the bird call! C'mere real quick."
JR Writer ft lil Wayne - Bird Call
hateit
It looks like Michael McDonald built a machine.
"I need to put your brain in this machine to make the secret Google cheat code that will truly annihilate Epcot's imagineers. But not yet, I still need to do some more secret tinkering and I need to wait for the mailman to deliver an important item I ordered on Froogle. So sit tight."
"Uh, Ok...."
hateit
Michael McDonald hasn't watched Michael Bell-Smith's remix of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" in several minutes. He's trying to concentrate on building his fancy machine, but it's not hard to tell that deep down he just wants to watch and listen to several layers of R. Kelly . It's really kind of sick how into that video Michael McDonald has gotten. Like, he was in the middle of installing some flashing diodes into his machine when he started singing (and I'm pretty sure he didn't even realize he was singing): "Everytime I close my eyes, I wake up feeling like watching R. Kelly". How scary is that? Michael McDonald is feenin to watch R. Kelly with a passion that rivals that of a Jodeci slow jam. I'm sorry to have to tell you about Michael McDonald's sick fixation, but I have to tell you the truth, because this is the internet.
Jodeci ft Raekwon, Ghostface- Freek'n U
Jodeci - Feenin' (screwed & chopped by DJ Screw)
hateit
"Ok, the machine's ready. Hop in!"
"Oh! (Oh) No! (No)"
Ciara ft Ludacris - Oh (Chopped & Screwed by OG Ron C)
(I just wish OG Ron C had brought back Ciara's decelerating "Cadillac" like a couple hundred more times... AH!)

Friday, August 5

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 33)

hateit
Juelz - Hate it or Love it
Hate it or love it? I hate it that so many good beats get bought up and slobbered on by G-Unit. I love it that Juelz takes those good beats and versions them on mixtapes. I also love it that Juelz' character seems to be maturing in lockstep with his rapping. Sez Juelz:
"I mean, I used to , I used to just say the game was gonna be mine, but fuck it, I don't mind sharing. The game about to be ours.... AY!"
hateit
I hate it that Michael McDonald won't stop watching Michael Bell-Smith's remix of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" where he layered all 5 parts on top of each other. I mean, I agree that the remix is awesome, but don't you think Michael McDonald has been watching it a little excessively?
horsemikeshorsemikeshorsemikes
Plus, while he's been staring at the computer drooling over the multiple R. Kellies, a demon attacked me.
hateit
We've all got our demons, but this demon wasn't mine. It was somebody else's. It wasn't an especially tough demon. My secret Google cheat codes were enough to make it go away. But it would have been nice to get a little help from Michael McDonald!! But noooo, he had to just keep on staring at the computer. That demon was intense, and so is Sickboy the Belgian producer who colostomized out this here breakcore burner which is also about attacking demons:
Sickboy - Intense Demonic Attacks
hateit

Oh, so now Michael McDonald has something to say (it better be good):
"Mooo hahahahaha! I have it now! I have invented a new secret Google cheat code that will devastate Epcot's imagineers!"
"What is it, Mike?"
"Well. I've actually only designed it at this point. I haven't actually made the cheat code. For that I'll need to borrow your brain!"
"SAAA
AAAY WHHAA
A
A
A
A
AAAAA
AAT?"

Monday, August 1

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 32)

horsemikes
My efforts to distract Michael McDonald from inventing new Google cheat codes to utilize against Epcot's imagineers have worked. But they have worked all too well.
horsemikes
I told Michael McDonald to check out Michael Bell-Smith's
remix of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" in which he synced them into one file, so you can watch all 5 installments of Kells' song cycle simultaneously. He seems to be trapped in watching the trapped in the closet movie in which all 5 chapters have been trapped into one movie.
"Mike! Hey check this out, Mike!! New Juelz y Jim track!
Juelz et Jim et Bezzle - Shootouts
" Juelz & Jim on some Run DMC line-trading shits:
'Juelz: Fuckin wit us, yr lives are at risk, kill niggas, throw parties and high-five to the shit...
Jim:Boots & jeans when we come in the court, now how that look?
Juelz: Coupes that's mean out front of the court
Jim: Until we took, live xtreme, drop a hundred on floss
Juelz: Till we book
Jim; Up the stream, that's for runnin to snort
Juelz: Cuz we hooked
Jim: this ain't a dream, just is one of my thoughts
Juelz: Go buy the book...nigga. AY!'"
But despite those awesome lyrics, Michael McDonald doesnt' even notice. He's heavy on R. Kelly.
horsemikes
Lemme try again: "OK, Mike, what if I told you there was one mp3 where you could listen to Ghostface & Cam'ron rhyming over an MF Doom beat? No it's not a real collabo but rather a MF Doom Special blend. But still what would you say? What would you say if I said it was a blend of the vocals from 2 of the MCs greatest tracks? Then what would you say?"
Ghostface, Cam'ron - Mighty Healthy/ That's me. (Blended by MF Doom)
"You would probably say 'I need to buy a 500 GB iPod, and then I need to take this mpfree and fill my enormous iPod with redundant copies of the soundfile, to make sure I never lose it!'"
But really Mike didn't say anything. He seems to not give a fuck.
"OK OK OK OK OK Mike.... Uh... Ok. How about a song by Brian Wilson with 4 parts? It's from the Smile sessions. Each of the 4 parts is about an element: Earth, Air, Water, and Fire. What then, Mike?"
Beach Boys - Elements
Then nothing, it appears. He is just stuck on R. Kelly! horsemikes

Mike's enthusiasm for Bell-Smith's R. Kelly piece is beginning to disgust me.
"Hey! Holy shit! Holy shit! WoOoOoOW! This video is hot! And the songs! I'm totally revamping my theory of the ARRRUH. I used to think he some of his tracks were shitty. Like the single Thoia Thoing b/w Snake I used to think sucked. Even the remix with Cam on it."
R. Kelly ft Cam'ron - Thoia Thoing
"But now, for fuck's sake I just wanna move my body like a snake."
horsemikes
"Mike, that's no snake!"
Well, like a snake or no, Mike is making a scene that's for sure. He's dancing so crazy he knocked my last post (pt 31) into the memory hole. SHIT! Well, here's that Vybz track I posted last time, anyway:
Vybz Kartel - Gun Session
(And totally for real for a second: I totally do NOT endorse anybody trying to learn how to say "Bud ah bye Bud ah bye Bud ah bye Bud ah bye Burneminemineminem" like Vybz, because I started my girlfriend on that and now she is saying it all the time and it makes my knees melt with adoration. But if YOU say it I will be annoyed.)
horsemikes "Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey !
Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey ! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! !Hey !Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey ! Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! !Hey !Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike Miiiiiiike !Hey ! Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey ! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike!Miiiiiiike !Hey ! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey ! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey ! Hey Miiiiiiike! e !Hey ! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey ! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey ! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey !Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Miiiiiiike !Hey !Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey! Hey Hey! Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey !Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey !
Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Hey Miiiiiiike! Mike!
Will you at least read this good R. Kelly article? "horsemikes