Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 30)

I have to convince Michael McDonald not to attack Epcot Center. But how? He's so worked up about it. Michael McDonald is like a friend to me, but he's more than that. He's like my hero! How do you tell your hero he's wrong?
"Uh, Mike? Uh, hey check out this new Ghost and Chef track I got."
"Ghost & Chef? Word!"
Ghostface & Raekwon - Starks & Chef
"Yeah, how bout that guitar."
"Aw yeah. Ohh! Deeeyuummm! OH SHIT!"
"What's wrong, Mike?"
"Shit! Starks just said 'I like eggs in my rice'! I can't believe I didn't know that! Last time I cooked dinner for him I just put steamed chicken and peanut sauce in his rice! SHIT! I'm so embarassed!"
"Oh, uh, I'm sure it's OK, Mike. What about this:"
Cam'ron & Juelz - Hey Ma pt 3
"So, Mike, how bout it?"
"Not bad, buddy, not bad..."
"Yeah! I like it when Cam responds to the girl asking 'Why? Why?' rhetorically. It sounds like that is a question that not often crosses his mind."
"Ok, buddy, ok. Very profound. These tracks are very nice. But please don't bother me for a minute."
"Why?"
"Why? Because I'm trying to invent a new secret internet Google cheat code..."
SHIT! I've gotta stop him from using secret Google!

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 29)

I've gotta tell him. I've gotta tell Michael McDonald not to attack Epcot Center.
"Mike? I've gotta tell you something..."
"What is it? Make it quick, I have imagineers to annihilate, buddy."
"Uhh... I, uh, wanted you to listen to these mpfrees:"
David Banner - Diamonds freestyle

Twista ft David Banner - Diamonds in my watch piece

Jim Jones ft Max B, Jay-Z(?) - D.I.P.S.E.T.


"Uh, Mike, do you think that third verse was Jigga? It sounds like him, but he's not listed onit though..."
"Uh, I dunno, I guess it sounds a lot like him... Did you look at the internet?"
"Yeah, I googled the tracklisting... A couple of places say Jim, Max B, and '?'"
"Hmm. It seems wierd that he would have Jay-z on the track and try to be secret about it. Does he not want to sell this shit?"
"Ha. Yeah. Uh, good point. Maybe it's not him. Wonder who the hell it is then..."

...I know I know, I chickened out. I was going to confront Mike, tell him to abandon this deluded vendetta against Epcot Center, but I couldn't do it...
The words are like stuck in my mouth.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 28)

Sara goes pop - Sexy Terrorist
Michael McDonald says: "I am going to bring terror to the imagineers of Epcot Center! Even their eponymously-vaunted imaginations will be unable to imagine the terror my Google Cheat code war will bring! GRRRRR!"
And then he bared his teeth. And I must admit, his teeth looked very ferocious. How ferocious? I have secretly replaced Michael McDonald's teeth with an animated gif which originated from a high resolution image of a tiger's skull so that you, the reader who is on the internet and not with us, can experience the ferocity of his facial gesture! See the rage just caroming out of the teeth, even from the hard-to-reach spaces between the teeth! Michael McDonald is so angry he doesn't even have to floss!

Michael McDonald also said: "The nerve of those bastards! I mean, they sent ninjas dressed as girls who were dressed as prisoners but not wearing pants fool me into blasting my skull with magnetic waves! And also, they sent an animatronic cyborg disguised as me to blast you with lasers! AND, they plan to replace everybody in the human race with animatronic replicas! For this I feel it is justified to initiate a Google cheat code War unimaginable to even the admittedly-quite-big imagination of the imagineers!

(Having heard Mike talk about warfare, you probably want a warfare-themed soundfile! Well, let me do you a favor and tell you to go & Download the "Feel that warfare!" mix by steev vee , then!)



Mike sure seems like he's really angry at Epcot! But maybe it isn't anger at Epcot that's making him act this way. I'm beginning to wonder if the real reason is because he's afraid. I mean, take a look at what's happened. I've always thought that Michael McDonald was one of the greatest Google cheaters that there ever was. But seeing how badly Epcot center has manhandled him (not to mention R. Kelly), I'm beginning to doubt whether his crack google cheating skills are really as crack as they're cracked up to be.

And you don't think Michael McDonald has noticed it too? That maybe his Google cheat moves are not so powerful after all? That maybe he has met his match in Epcot's imagineers? Can you imagine how that must make him feel inside? (If not, look at this picture:)
He's Michael McDonald! Do you want to tell him that his Google Cheat code style couldn't even handle a bunch of corporate stooges like the Imagineers of Epcot? I don't! That would be like telling Mike that the dude who sang on "China Grove" was a better frontman and vocalist than him! Imagine the devastating effect this must be having on Michael McDonald's self image! (in case you can't imagine it:)
So, his acting all crazy and bloodthirsty is just a facade, a wall he's erected between himself and the incredibly painful self-doubt he must be feeling right now, a wall that disallows any emotional contact he might make with this issue! It's not that he's mad! He's sad and scared! I'm sad for him! Are you sad for him? C'mon, you can't be mad at him!
High Rise - Psychedelic Wall
High Rise - Disallow



(ALSO: Sorry I have not posted any Dipset in several days... There have not been any new Dipset mpfrees crossing my path recently which I could include without jeopardizing the future of this epic already-28-part plotline. Frequent visitors to this url will know that I value the integrity of this plotline over everything, which includes Dipset too. (SIKE! I just haven't been able to download music for a few days.) I know that some will feel that this is irresponsible of me, to shirk my Dipset duties, since I am the internet's only source of hot Dipset mpfrees (SIKE! There are many dudes on the internet who are putting the blogspot game back in circus mode by furnishing Dipset mpfrees. And if you clowns need me to tell you again thatChris Lemon-Red is hosting the Juelz track that will make "AY!" a household word, then I suggest you step up your remedial level of internet vigilance or at least go there and download that track. Right now!)

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 27)

"GUESS WHO"S BACK!?!?"
"Michael McDonald ! you can speak again! I'm so relieved!"
"Yeah no shit. GUESS WHO'S BACK!?!?"
Young Jeezy - Guess who's back
"GUESS WHO'S BACK?!?!"
"Mike, I don't know. I'm just glad you can talk again..."
"GUESS WHO'S BACK: another flying Panda Skull, bitch! AY! HAHA!"
"Mike, what the hell are you talking about?"
"All those crazy noises you thought I was making involuntarily before? I was really vocalizing a a secret cheat Google internet Flying Panda Skull threat display-chant.( DEEEEAAAAAYYUUUUUMMM!)"
"WHA!?!?"
"THAAAAT's RIIIGHT! Check it out:"

Holy shit! It's true! This whole time Michael McDonald was using his voice to adorn my blogspot with Seceret Google panda skulls animated cheats! Here I thought all those non-phonemic noises he was making in the last post were some kind of pathological symptom!
"Mike! Why!?"

"I put those animated panda skulls onto your internet to intimidate Epcot's imagineers. They gotta know that when I creep that it's Rat-a-tat-tat dat ass."
Unknown artist - When I creep
Dick Kent - Rat a tat tat, America
(the former came from TJSDJS, the latter from a smorgasbord of songpoems from WFMU's blog)
Damn.

Damn. Michael McDonald, what has happened to you? Your anger is making you crazy.

(ALSO: BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A STRIAGHTUP MENACE DON"T WATCH ME WATCH TV JUELZ IS STILL COMING FOR EVERYONE"S SPOT THIS INCLUDES YOU)

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 26)

Michael McDonald is still spazzing so bad that when he tries to say something, it comes out as crazy frenetic noises.




I have a rather restricted repertoire of rhetorical tools for describing these sounds, so to get the idea across I suggest you go download these live breakcore mixes performed by the artists known as Shitmat, Sickboy, and Toecutter in Belgium.
Sickboy set
Shitmat set
Toecutter set
The spirit of what they are saying in these mp3s is somewhat similar to the spirit Michael McDonald is expressing. The difference is that I think Shitmat, Sickboy, and Toecutter are trying to promote a convivial partytime environment, whereas Michael McDonald totally wants to destroy his enemies, Epcot's imagineers.



Maybe if I play Michael McDonald some of those awesome mp3's from TJSDJS, then he will calm down again.
The Xtremists- Break the Chains
Dirty ft Bun B - Rollie Pollie
Jazze Pha ft Cee-lo - Happy Hour
2-Slabz - Yah yah
(........)



Hmm. Doesn't seem to be working.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 25)

Michael McDonald continues to ascend into a state of absolute apoplexy.
"BLOØ¥NGGG those Epcot Mother∫¨nπøqers in the ˆøπøπø∆!!!"
Man, it's gotten so intense when Mike tries to say cusswords, he instead vocalizes strange non-phonemic sound effects: chirps, trills, etc.
Kind of like the clean version of that new Ying Yang single, which utilizes some really nifty synth effects and slowdowns to delete out all the expletives. (Taken together with the sitars and the tastefully-restrained bongoes, this one has supplanted the one with Trick Daddy from the last album for the title of my favorite Ying Yang mpfree.)
Ying Yang ft Mike Jones - Badd (clean)
See what I mean? Michael McDonald is producing similar noises out of his mouth when he tries to cuss. Probably a good thing for this blog, since Michael McDonald's cussing has probably been too frequent for the tastes of many readers (it is for my Mom's at least - she told me so).


Oh boy.... Michael McDonald just got worse. You know how sometimes when folks get the spirit they start talking in tongues and doing the St Vitus dance and all that? Well, now instead of making cool sound-designy noises when he tries to cuss, Michael McDonald's mouth is vocalizing incredibly urgent-sounding orchestral breakcore which also has demonic synth interventions, and also Motley Crue and Herbie Lovebug samples. Which is all the more impressive, since a
Venetian Snares fansite
only just recently posted a gaggle of Venetian Snares live sets, among which is included a set he performed in Detroit on 3/5/05, which if you download and listen to it, you will not believe the incredible symptoms Michael McDonald is displaying right now, because how could the internet be so lucky that breakcore this blessed exists at all, let alone that it would be coming out of anyone's mouth, even one as world renowned as Michael McDonald's?
Cam, Juelz, & Jim - World Reknown


I don't know what Michael McDonald is trying to say with these great breakcore songs, but I bet it is either a description of another secret Google cheat code or it is about how bad he hates Epcot's imagineers.

Actually, Michael McDonald doesn't really sound like that. I'm sorry.
He really does sound crazy and scary right now, but to adequately describe how he sounds with text it would take a better blogger than me. And I don't have any recording devices at hand, and even if I did, Mike's voice is using Secret internet Google>Arts>Music secret ultrasonic falsetto cheat expletive replacement strategies , which don't sound good when encoded in mp3. Plus, isn't this Venetian Snares totally good?

I mean, how could any mouth, even one as magnificent as Michael McDonald's
make all those sounds? Yes, Michael McDonald has a superb vocal tract. Yes, his breath control is nothing short of a miracle.
And yes, he's forgotten more Secret Google cheat codes than any of us will ever know. But it takes a another kind of mind, and a computer, to make the music that Venetian Snares makes. And Michael McDonald's mouth, however limitless its endowments can sometimes seem, does not have these things.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 24)

Michael McDonald's raging continues, full throttle.


B-Slimm/Droop-E/Mugzi/Kaveo/E-40/Turftalk - Full Throttle

Also continuing full throttle are his descriptions of the terrible effects his Google Cheat code war will bring to Epcot's Imagineers:


"YES! My secret Google internet character assassination internet secrets soon to be unleashed upon my enemies, the Imagineers of Epcot, will consist of so many disparate and bewildering charges, accusations, criticisms, and diagnoses, that when, after they have looked at the internet and seen how deeply and comprehensively their characters have been described, they will look at their reflection and wonder, 'Who is this face?,' and they will listen to themselves, and the voice will be unfamiliar, and they will pinch themselves, and it will hurt unusually bad, and, most disorientingly, they will smell themselves, and the smell will be unfamiliar. It will be like they are smelling someone else. And that someone else will smell unpleasant. Woe unto them!"


Yo yo - So funky (screwed & chopped by DJ Screw)


Damn! That's harsh! Does Michael McDonald have the right to pass such a harsh judgement on Epcot's Imagineers? It's like he's lost his sense of judgement!
Lost Aaraaf - The Lost Judgement

(Lost Aaraaf was Keiji Haino's first band, and like pretty much everything he has ever touched, they were totally awesome)

And then, me & Michael McDonald noticed that TJSDJS, the awesome place that has been hosting all the newly-leaked David Banner tracks (which we heard about originally from probably either Catchdini or Canary-burgundy ), is hosting a totally amazing 2 CDs worth of mp3s by up-&-coming Southern MCs (almost none of whom I've heard of called "3rd Qtr Exclusive CD) which I haven't listened to all of yet but seems pretty hot from what me & Mike have heard so far. Check these!!!!
The Xtremists- Break the Chains
(3 6-esque, Book of Revelation-tinged, & revolutionary but gangsta. yeesh...)
Dirty ft Bun B - Rollie Pollie
("y'all might not like the beat, but then again, y'all might")
Jazze Pha ft Cee-lo - Happy Hour
(I usually hate Jazze Pha, and I think people who drink apple martini's and the other drinks described herein suffer from a deficiency of character, but..........)
2-Slabz - Yah yah
(........)
Man, listening to these tracks seems to be bringing Michael McDonald out of his wild vengeful rampage mindset. I wish he could get back to the way he used to be...

I doubt that's gonna happen. My optimism and nostalgia are waay misplaced.

(ALSO: one more thing. Hate to break character, but I just have to tell y'all that in real life I am flying up to WA state this weekend. Me & my girlfriend are going to visit the town where Twin Peaks was shot. Yes I am going to be downing cups of joe at the Double R diner, etc. In honor of this momentous occasion, I would like to share with the internet a BADalamenti song my roomate Owen made about David Lynch with a 1984 synthesizer and guitar feedback:
Lil Synth aka Lil Sinna - David Lynch eats feedback for breakfast
and have some more Lil Syntha jams )