Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 9)

Oy. All this Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler that Michael McDonald is making me drink for thinking about Dipset is starting to make me hallucinate....

When my eyes are open, I see this highly regular sort of fiery looking pattern superimposed on everything I see.

Actually, the pattern looks very much like a sonogram from Movin' Out (Anthony's Song), which I've been staring at a lot ever since I read about it on Boing Boing
Cam'ron & Juelz - You Oughta know

& if I close my eyes, the insides of my eyelids look like:


& sound like
Cam'ron - Mighty Mighty Dipset
Dipset - Dipset Symphony
Keak da Sneak - Super Hyphie

dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 8)

It appears that I have underestimated Michael McDonald. If you're just coming to this url for the first time, just so you know what's going on: he & I have come to Epcot Center to try to cure me of my addiction to the Dipset. It is not working. I have relapsed in every post since we got here, including the last post. I thought I was going to get away with that last relapse, because Mike was too piss drunk on Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler to notice. Boy oh boy was I wrong.


Even though he was too drunk to notice the awesome Juelz track I posted in the last post, at the time, I should've known: if you're a master of secret Google cheat codes like Michael McDonald, it doesn't matter where & when something happened. If you want to know it, you will. And so, now that he has sobered up a little, he has become aware of the massive relapse I had in the last post. And he is doing something about it.

Michael McDonald has responded to my latest relapse by subjecting me to a punitive drinking game.
"OK, buddy. Here's the deal. Every time you think about the Dipset, you take a swig of Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler from my chrome flask."
HOLY SHIT THIS Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler IS GROSS.
I guess I should look on the bright side. This is the first thing Mike has had me do that is even remotely rehabilitative. But this drink is so nasty. It tastes like if they made cranapple-kiwi wine cooler, dumped 17 packets of Sweet -n- Low in, and mixed it in one of Bill Cartwright's old gym socks. Plus it's like 10 times more viscous than Red Bull. Ugh, it's like some crazy hippy drink like Odwalla but it's even worse. And it's 333 proof so I am getting wasted hella fast.
"Aw, don't make those faces, buddy. You're breakin' my heart! You should be glad to be drinking this stuff."
"I don't see why."
"Well, you know how DJ /Rupture makes all those awesome mixes, where he distills the best cross section from like every good genre of music, and then assembles them into coherent, compelling wholes ( Gold Teeth Thief part A, Gold Teeth Thief part B, The Minesweeper Suite, Resonance Fm Mix, Back to the Basics mix) that are greater than the sum of the parts?
"Of course I do. So does everybody. Those links are probably the most gratuitous thing in the whole internet! What's your point?"
"Ok, buddy, ok... Well, this Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler is another example of supralinear summation, except for booze instead of music."
I really don't know what Mike is thinking. This Secret Internet Google Cheat Google Wine Cooler may be a mix of a lot of stuff like a /Rupture mix, but this mix is totally gross. And I have to drink it every time I think of Dipset?!!?
It's like when they say don't think of an elephant. You always do think of an elephant. I don't even need cheat codes to know that you just thought of an elephant.

And right now I can't help but think about that awesome Juelz track from the last post.
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot

What if Juelz really did take everyone's spot? Can you imagine how much better the world would be? Like, think about how crappy the world political situation is right now. For instance, did you hear that the numblehead analysts whose analysis allowed the Bush administration to bullshit about those aluminum tubes have been recieving job performance awards for the last 3 years?!! How mad does that lack of accountability make you?
Well, if Santana took the spot of those analysts' superiors, you can bet they wouldn't be getting any awards. And if Santana had the analysts' spot they wouldn't have made the mistake in the first place. And if Santana had taken the spots of all the world leaders, this whole conflict could've been avoided! Think how great it would be if Santana took EVERYONE'S SPOT!
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
Ugh. I have to drink again.

& again.
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
& again.


Ok I'm chugging:
GULP GULP GULP! GASP GASP GASP! COUGH! COUGH COUGH!
What's so great about Juelz is that he exemplifies the following quote (This quote is actually from Mark E Smith of the Fall, and the quote is taken from this book. Smith is actually describing himself in this quote, but he may as well be describing Santana, and if Santana took Mark E's spot, it would all be moot, wouldn't it?)

Actually, Mark E Smith should probably get to keep his spot. He's been holding it for so long, probably now is an inopportune time to relieve him of it.
The Fall - Repetition (1977)
The Fall - Blindness (2005) (Thanks to JohnAa for this one.)

Then again, Santana is pretty awesome, maybe he should take Mark E Smith's spot.
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
I guess it doesn't matter whether or not I think Juelz should come to take Mark E Smith's spot. This whole discussion is hypothetical. Anyway, the quote:
"Sometimes, you just know. You just know that something is right, or something is wrong. I have always... trusted my instinct, you know. And that's what it has always been about. Many, many clever people have failed to grasp this simple fact. This is the essence of the Fall and why there is no other band on earth like us. I may not always be right... and technically I am often completely wrong. And I have been inconsistent. There are times when I say something that might seem to contradict something I said a month earlier. But it doesn't matter because what I do is ride with instinct... And I have never compromised that, even during the spells when I have lost my way. It has been a wholly honest process... and it's true, you know. That's the point, isn't it? That's why all these wankers from the music press... that's why they couldn't actually get close because they wrote themselves away from The Fall. As soon as they tried to grasp it, the point was lost."

Yeah, it's fun to think about if Juelz took everybody's spot. But I totally paid a high price of drinking many drinks of this gross drink to think what I've been thinking. I better stop now before I barf on the internet.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 7)

(Sigh. So today Michael McDonald & I are going to try to partake of the attractions at Epcot Center, initiating the healing of my debilitating Dipset addiction, hopefully without getting lasers blasted at us by Epcot's animatronic cyborg security detail.)

First thing Mike says:
"Hey buddy, you're not lookin' too hot. But I got just what you need."
And he pulls out a chrome-plated flask, embossed holographically with his likeness, and he takes a prolonged pull off its contents. Then he thrusts it in my face, jostling it side to side to ensure that I can see the chrome glisten and his holographic head-image wobble.

Killer Mike ft Big Boi & Sleepy Brown - My Chrome
"What's in it?" I ask.
"Well, buddy, only the most brand new secret Internet Google Internet Wine Cooler! It tastes like Bartles & James, but it's 333 proof! Just what you need right now!"
On the inside, I disagreed. I'm still hung over as hell from the night before. And while usually I'm totally invulnerable to peer pressure, with Michael McDonald... Well... He's such a terrific singer... And when it comes to secret Google, he's one of the best... So...
"Gulp gulp. COUGH COUGH!"
"Ha haa. Attababy! WOO! "



And with that off we go to Epcot. We start off in the Wonders of Life area. First up is Cranium Command, which involves entering the brain of a 12-year-old boy.

Shit, I wish I could command my cranium to stop wanting to listen to the Dipset! I wish I could command Michael McDonald's cranium to stop commanding my cranium to drink his wine cooler! I don't care if its secret Internet google cheat internet wine cooler! That shit is GROSS!

"Here ya go buddy, take a swig!"
"Dude, I don't want any! And I think you oughtta think about stopping too."
"OO... OK Mr. Player Hater! You don't have to drink any if you don't wanna. More for me, brah! GULP GULP"
Pimp C, Big Moe, & Big Boom - Mr. Player Hater

Next, we went to The American Adventure, a tour through various Disney-fied animatronic scenes from American history, guided by animatronic replicas of Mark Twain and Ben Franklin. It'd be hard enough to enjoy this if I wasn't feeling stupid for player-hating on Michael McDonald (something I never thought I'd do), but, to make matters worse, watching the animatronic Ben Franklin scares me down to my bones. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I think the animatronic Ben is about to attack me. I just hope that that fucker doesn't start blasting lasers at me. I think Mike is too drunk to defend me this time!

And I was thinking: Maan, those Epcot Imagineer motherfuckers have some nerve. Ben Franklin was a founding father, a scientist, a witty writer, and a suave ladies' man (despite being chubby and bald). How dare they replicate him animatronically!?! Have they no shame?!? Is there anybody out there whose spot they don't think they can fill with some crappy animatronic automaton? I mean, if they want to replace the whole human race, why don't they fill our spots with a real live person? Somebody better than us, capable of filling everyone's spot? Like Juelz!
Juelz Santana - Everyone's Spot
Judging from how well Juelz fills Luda's spot on the #1 Spot/Austin Powers beat, I think he's proven himself capable of taking over everyone's spot. Let him take Luda's spot, let him take Mike Myers' spot, let him take Snoop's spot, let him take Rakim's spot. And he's more than welcome to my spot. I have no doubt he'll do a better job of being me than I am doing right now! I can't even stop posting Dipset even though I'm supposed to be in Dipset Detox. At least Mike is too drunk to notice that I fell off the no-Dipset wagon again.



And then we went on this ride:

HOLD UP! Why are we riding past Golden Gate Bridge? Where am I? Am I at Epcot Center or am I home in San Francisco? Am I starting my journey of Dipset Detox all over again? Holy shit can you see how intense Epcot Center is they just blew my mind?!
Hall & Oates - Starting All Over Again (Screwed by OG Ron C)
(thanks to Pearsall for this one!)

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 6)

I will admit that Google Image Search is a useful tool for putting images onto your computer screen. But don't you wish you knew secret cheat Google Image Disguise codes like me & Michael McDonald, with which one can change one's own image? These Google Image Disguises come particularly in handy when one is about to visit a theme park guarded by animatronic cyborgs who want to blast lasers at you. Needless to say, our disguises had to be effective.

My first suggestion was:

Mike rejected this one for several reasons:
1) Disguising himself as Juelz Santana would probably impede his ability to rehabilitate me from being addicted to Juelz' music. A valid point.
2) Mike would feel wierd festooned in American flags. As troubled as he is by the direction our country is heading, he still feels enough patriotic sentiment to make him not want to wear the flag ironically. I respect that.
3) This outfit makes his butt look big.
Juelz Santana - Fat Bottom

Mike thought this would be a good idea:

Mike got this idea looking at these pictures which he found out about at the Tofu Hut. He felt this would frighten off any animatronic cyborgs, and would allow him to pay tribute to one of his personal musical heroes, Yamatsuka Eye
Yamatsuka Eye & Musica Transonic - New Six
I had to remind Mike that we were not going for scary. We were going for inconspicuous. Reluctantly he agreed this disguise would be ineffectual.
JR Writer - Close your eye

Then I recommended that we dress up as Paul Wall & Chamillionaire:

Paul Wall & Chamillionaire ft Archie Lee - Ms. Jackson freestyle
Mike had to remind me that Paul & Cham don't hang out anymore. The sight of the two of them together at Epcot Center would certainly arouse suspicion.

So finally we agreed to dress up like farmers.

The Seeds - Mr. Farmer

And off we went for what I hope will be a therapeutic day at Epcot Center.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 5)

Chamillionaire ft David Banner - Talkin' that talk

Ha... I want to talk that talk. In order to gain Michael McDonald's respect, I need to talk that talk. But right now my mind can't stop replaying the image of an animatronic cyborg replica of Michael McDonald busting into my room and blasting lasers all over the place, very nearly ending my life. I'd be dead if not for a timely rescue by the real Michael McDonald's secret Google laser blasts. I wish I felt like I could go out into Epcot Center with Michael McDonald today, and begin my recovery from my Dipset addiction... But now I'm just too scared.
Chamillionaire - Never Scared Flow

Shit. I am so not never scared. I'm so scared I'm scared that I might never be not scared ever again!
And it's all well and good to admit to the internet that, yes, I'm very scared of what might happen to me when we go to Epcot Center today. What if lasers get blasted at me and Michael McDonald can't save me from them?
There's just no way I can tell Mike about how scared I am. How can I win his esteem if he finds out how shook I am? I need him to teach me secret secret Google cheat styles. And I need him to sing his vocals on my new songs if they're ever going to be as jamming as I want them to be.

Jaheim ft Cam'ron & Juelz - Fabulous (remix)

I'm sorry. I know I promised not to post any more Dipset. But right now this track is all I've got to get me right for my day at Epcot Center with Michael McDonald. And it's just this one last time. You understand.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 4)

UGgghahghghghgh... Last night was rough...

I wake up feeling like my kidneys spent the night as the fulcrum of a see-saw with E-40 on one end and Big Moe on the other. Plus, what with the guilt and embarassment from my Dipset relapse in the last post, my conscience hecka stings too.
The Click - Hurricane
The Click - Hurricane (screwed by DJ Screw)
Screwed Up Click - Hurricane Freestyle(screwed by DJ Screw)

Maan, I bet Michael McDonald is so disappointed with me, I was thinking. I'm so dreading seeing him. When...





WHA!??!?!


WHOA! Mike really is pissed! Holy shit he busts into the room blasting a big nasty lasermachine weapon all over the place... What the hell is going on? I mean, yes I feel bad about watching those Dipset videos in the last post, but does that mean I deserve to get wierd lasers blasted at me, first thing in the damn morning, nursing a villainous hangover? I mean: DAAMN! This is some vindictive rehab, Mike!

It feels like I woke up into some kind of hyperkinetic yakuza film, by, maybe, Takashi Miike, like, for instance, Deadly Outlaw Rekka (Violent Fire), which, coincidentally, features as its soundtrack the album Satori, by amazing early 70's Japanese psychedelic metal group, Flower Travellin' Band, from which the next mpfree happens to've been excised. The singer totally sounds like Ozzy, no?
Flower Travellin' band - Satori side 1



OH, but hold UP! That's not Michael McDonald! Looking closer, I notice that this fucker has a 1/2 animatronic head! HE'S FAKE! Epcot's tricky imagineers sent an animatronic cyborg replica of Michael McDonald to waste me!

Just in the nick of time, the real Michael McDonald bursts in, toting a secret Google cheat blastor. And it's a quick wipeout for that cyborg!

Thank goodness!
"You OK?" asks Mike. "We gotta be more careful about getting detected, buddy. There's lots more cyborgs where this one came from."
"Mike, what the hell? Aren't you supposed to be the secret Google internet cheat code guru? How are these imagineers detecting our asses?"
"You shut up," replied Michael McDonald, "Your wretchedly Dipset-addicted ass is just lucky to be alive."
Ouch. The truth hurts.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 3)

Ugh... So after the excruciatingly wierd Disney Imagineers party, I'm supposed to go crash in my room. Hopefully tomorrow, Mike will start whatever it is his strategy for rehabing me is. But between severe intoxication, transinterinternet tavel and Dipset withdrawal symptoms, I find sleep pretty hard to come by. So I turn on the internet.

And it becomes clear once again that the internet is conspiring against my recovery:



Cam'ron ft Kanye - Down & Out (video)

AWESOME! The part where he says
"Sippin sake on a suzuki we in Osaka Bay"
And in the video, when he says that, they're on motorcycles! GENIUS!

But it all came crashing down when I looked to my left and saw Michael McDonald scowling in disappointment at me relapsing already.

And to make matters worse, I had unconsciously been doing that awesome hokey-pokey-esque dance from the end of the "Hey Ma" video


Holy fuck I'm ashamed!

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Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 2)

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HEY! So anyway, sorry for not writing sooner. Evidently, Michael McDonald's strategy for rehabilitating me from my debilitating Dipset Addiction entails a level of partying to which my liver & I have found ourselves unequal. Consequently, I've been too ill for the internet til now.

Ok. One might reasonably wonder: of all the potential people to rehabilitate oneself with, why Michael McDonald? Wouldn't it be better to go to a credentialed doctor like Bill Frist or Dr Phil? Well, you no doubt already know Michael McDonald as a singer with a voice like a Wookie that's died and gone to Valhalla (ie, if Valhalla were a place where all the cars were flying drop tops and where Neon & Silicon are present in abundances by which Mendeleev would be deeply perturbed (kind of like Miami(I'm gonna post a Dipset mpfree that will evoke in your mind just the kind of Valhalla-Miami that I'm trying to convey (I know I shouldn't do this because it's Dipset, but what kind of audioblogger would I be if I bypassed the opportunity to post such an apt mpfree!(Don't tell Mike please!)))))
Jim Jones - Summer with Miami

This next track, "Yah Mo B There", a collabo with Quiet Storm-trooper James Ingram, illustrates the awesomeness of Mike's voice, and how truly ahead of his time he was. This song, which is about the Man Upstairs, owes its slightly cryptic title to the fact that Mike & James felt that the music industry wouldn't accept a song with such explicit religious content. The music industry responded by awarding Mike & James a Grammy for Best R&B Vocal Performance with a Duo or Group, which just shows how pathbreaking an artist Mike really is, playing the religious persecution card long before Kanye or the Family Research Council.
James Ingram ft Michael McDonald - Yah Mo B There

So, yeah, for one thing, Mike's got a great voice. Also, in the community of Google-cheaters, Mike's quite a big kahuna. He looms large in the pantheon of personal heroes for me, and I really wanted to make a favorable impression on him. Knowing my eagerness to make him to like me, I figured he'd make an effective therapist.

Oh, also you may wonder: Why Epcot? Well you doubtlessly already know about all the awesome animatronic entertainers here at the Epcot Center. Well, you probably are unaware that Disney has developed a new line of prototypical autonomous animatronic beings. Eventually Disney intends to infiltrate and take over society with an army of animatrons, but for the time being, they are using the animatrons to fill many of the concessions, security, and Disney-character-imitating jobs here at Epcot. Which is sweet, because Mike knows some really bitching Google cheats that work like Jedi mind tricks on these animatrons, so we get free rides and lots of other free stuff here.

As soon as we get to Epcot, Mike tells me he knows a super secret Disney imagineers' party that he can cheat us into, and rushes off in its direction without asking me if I want to go. Which I don't mind at all. Mike does some cool secret Google moves that are too fast me to even see, and we get into the party.

So we get there and there's this wierd dude who I think is an animatronic robot with a fake Ronald Reagan head doing a wierd crystal ball show. I made a movie of it for you. (click the picture below). Combined with the disorientation I felt from transinterinternet travel, this performance frightened me deeply, but I pretended it didn't because I didn't want Michael McDonald to think I was a pussy.


So as soon as we get there, Mike starts chugging fluorescently colored grain-alcohol mixed drinks. I didn't want him to think I was a lightweight, so I start trying to chug them too. Drinking these drinks is deceptively easy, because the grain alcohol doesn't taste like anything when mixed with fruit punch. In fact the space-aged flavors of the mixers were probably the grossest aspect of drinking the drinks. Eventually I got really drunk. Between that and the Dipset DTs (DTs stands for Delirium Tremens), I was pretty defunct for the rest of the party, even when the DJ put on an awesome Lil Jon Kraftwerk/Planet Rock-style remix of an R & B cover of a Cyndi Lauper song, which would normally have me hoppin like a jackrabbit.
INOJ & Thrill da Playa - Time after time (Lil Jon remix)

But actually it was OK, because all the Disney imagineers were dancing all wierd, and I would have felt uncomfortable trying to dance my dances around them:

Mike wasn't dancing. He was like, "My niggas don't dance, we just pull up our pants..." which isn't funny at all but I laughed just to ingratiate myself to him.

Dipset Detox with Michael McDonald at Epcot Center (pt 1)

It's true. I am plunged deeply into the throes of an intractable addiction to Harlem's Diplomats (depicted above). When it comes to listening to and posting about the Dips, I'm like JR Writer rhyming on the radio (cf, JR Writer's 9 minute freestyle ) -- nothing can seem to stop me. I'm even drawing analogies between my own behavior and that of members of the Dips. I'm sick!

And to make matters worse several notable internet personalities have taken notice and linked to this site. Which is just SO cruel! Don't they realize that attention from the internet is directly proportional to physiological expected utility for me? Have they no mercy? Their attention only compels me to post more Dipset and spins me right round in a vicious circle and when they stop paying attention, my vicious circle will continue to spin on its own autoregenerative angular momentum, reminiscent of when rappers talk about their rims continuing to spin after their vehicles come to a complete stop, except in the case of my dipset-posting vicious circle, my rotation perseverates even longer through positive feedback. Will it ever stop?

But I can admit it's a problem. And I'm confident. I'm strong-willed. I can beat this thing.

Also: I know secret internet Google cheat code secrets, as long-time visitors of this site will know (previously, I have made a small demonstration of the power of secret Google secrets, revealing the secret Productivity Enhancement Strategies of Prince (which by the way, I have now recieved internet space ( thanks OG!! )to post up many of the audio aid Prince mpfrees on a real server, find them here . these mpfrees are stellar and super rare, and will reward even the rare listener uninterested in secret Google cheat codes. you should go download them)). And I have resolved to employ Google cheat codes to beat this terrible Dipset addiction.


People seem think that Google Maps are so awesome... "OO, I can see grainy way-zoomed-out satellite pictures of any part of the world". Baby stuff compared to what I can do with Google Maps cheat codes.

Using secret Google Maps cheat moves, Grammy-winner Michael McDonald and I are going to travel through secret transdimensional Google interinternet space, to Epcot Center, where Mike will facilitate the conquest of my Dips problem, after which I'll be a fully functional citizen again.

And remember: life's a journey, not a destination, so I've posted some visual aids to help you understand what our interinternetdimensional travel looked like:

Here we're leaving my home in San Francisco:

And now we're in interinternet space:

this is interinterinternet:

The sound is interesting here too. It sounds like a mashup of these 3 songs:
Lucio Battisti - Una Donna per Amico
Dictator John Fucking Kerry - Invisible & sweaty
Copz iz Coming - Un Kasa ft Juelz
(Ok I know that last one is Dipset, and I know that I said I wasn't doing any more Dips, but it really sounded like this in the internetGoogleinterinterspace, and I promise this is the last Dipset mpfree here ever ever ever)
This is my favorite part:

YAAAAY! HERE'S EPCOT:

Ok, we're here. With Michael's help, I will cheat my way through this Dipset problem, I promise.

ok, i'm quitting on dipset (after this)

Posse on Broadway - Juelz, Jones, some weedcarrier

the answer to any problems or questions you have

The Answer - Juelz Santana


MAAN, how does Juelz do it?! How does he perpetually dispense the hot mixtape mpfrees? His productivity is really becoming a problem for me. After whom does he style himself, Prince? I only have so much time to upload mpfrees to yousendit. I only have so many GBs of hard drive capacity! Don't I like to listen to anything but the Dips? Juelz claims to be the answer to problems the listener may have. But what if the problem is I can't stop listening to his mpfrees?!?
Egads, it's a catch-22!!



I'm movin' - Juelz Santana

OK, this may help... I'm very in favor of anybody, especially the Dips, spitting over classic rock. But Sammy Haggar-era Van Halen?!?! UGH! Sampling Sammy is artistic choice that I simply cannot condone and still look at myself in the mirror without weeping... Oh well better stop listening to this before I start liking it...

Respect Me - Juelz Santana
"LISTEN:
They won't believe I'm great
til I'm deceased and placed
under a microscope for weeks and days
then they'll realize if rap was karate WAIT
I'd be Bruce Lee & SHAKE"

Ok. This is some more Dipset hubris, I'm afraid. Don't get me wrong: I love mixed metaphors as much as the next dude, but this metaphor is just vertiginously muddled. Not to mention implausible: yes, modern microscopy has made advances vergin on the miraculous, but by the time imaging tools attain the capability of assessing a subject's rapping or karate skills post mortem, it will be so far in the future that any remains of Juelz body will have long since decayed away. Besides, I'm sure that if civilization is fortunate enough to reach such an advanced state, Juelz will have long since been adopted into the canon... And what the fuck is that "Wait... Shake" shit supposed to be about? An atrocity. "Wronger than two left shoes". I am appalled.

AWW WHO AM I KIDDING!?! IT'S BRILLIANT AND WE ALL KNOW IT!


All right, this is a problem and I need to get pro-active. Have to not listen to Dipset. Have to not post Dipset mpfrees...



AHHHH! Parachuting giraffe to the rescue. I figure I can go cognitive cold turkey on Dipset with the help of images like this to distract me. To keep my mind occupied.
(This image courtesy of the great "Bowleg'd Dieter," a long-time friend who I hope will become a regular contributor to this url.)

Another strategy: maybe I can go back to my older addictions, which were less debilitating. For instance: ultra-no-fi Japanese noise rock. Yes. So I go and get Tokyo Flashback 5, from the always blistering, always beautiful PSF (Psychedelic Speed Freaks) Label. Yes, psychedelic speed freaks will save me for sure.
Whoo: Track 1 is a winner:
Behind 20, Beyond 20k - Aural fit
It's by a band called Aural fit. So I go to their webpage. Oh look they have a downloadable mpfree there. What's it called?

OH GOD NOOOOOOO!

The song is calledDiplomatic Sound!
THE HORROR.

It's like the internet is taunting me. I CANNOT ESCAPE THE DIPS!


OH NO! NOW HELL RELL (another up-n-coming Dipset newcomer) IS RAPPING OVER ZEPPELIN!
Hell Rell - One hell of a guy

“Just when I thought I was out they keep pulling me back in!”


Ok, my Dipset problem has gone too far. And I don't think there's a 12 step program stringent enough to cure me. No, to cure this problem I will need to return to secret internet Google cheat code secrets . I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh by the way, I heard that Google is cheating too? I am shocked. Shocked.

or better yet Gilligan's Island and I'm the Skipper

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I swear Jones is way more siked than he looks in this picture

Yes, undoubtedly Jim Jones the Capo AKA 1-eyed Willie is feeling real good on the inside, now that the Dips' new contractual arrangements have installed him in an executive position. Hear him here extolling his entrepreneurial exploits over 50 cents beats:
Gunz come out freestyle - Jim Jones
I run NY - Jim Jones
Now that he's rubbing elbows with Kev Lyles & Lyor Cohen, Jones is clearly on top of the world. Why on earth does he look so glum?


Could he be feeling uncomfortable with his new title as head of "Black" music at Warner/Asylum? If I understand this correctly, that means he calls the shots for Warner/Asylum's assimilated entities Hypnotize Minds (Three 6 Mafia), Rap-a-lot (Geto Boys etc), and the Swisha House. A lot of talent there. Is he bummed because if he "only" runs black music, he doesn't have any say over great white hopes Paul Wall and Lil Wyte?

Somehow I doubt it... Although Paul Wall is "undefeated hollerin at white girls":
I got game - Paul Wall
Which is impressive to me at least. Plus too he's not too shabby a rapper.

But that's probably not it. Probably "Black" music is intended to mean "historically black music" (even when practiced by white dudes) rather than music made exclusively by black dudes...

No, I think the real downer for Jim Jones is that due to an inexcusably poor choice by Michael Watts et al at the Swishahouse - to side with Mike "Tickle Me Elmo" Jones' dumb ass ass rather than dump him in favor of Chamillionaire, the best rapper in the world who is not in Dipset or is not Bun B. The sordid tale of their lopsided beef is handled suitably here.
Chamillion's skills are suitably demonstrated here:
Oochie Wally Flow - Chamillionaire
Can't deny it Flow - Chamillionaire

Which means whatever powers Jim Jones has been empowered with in his "Black Music" executive position, his stable will be sans Chamillionaire. Which would bum you out too if you were in Jim Jones' shoes.

We'll chop you up like garlic cloves and cook ya ass like Emeril the chef

OMMFG?!?! More dipset extravagance?!?

We don't give a fuck - Juelz ft Paul Wall
WHOA! How bad does Paww Waww kill this?

Back on my bullshit - JR Writer
MAAN! Is this poor-man's-retarded-Kanye-delay-overload beat quite possibly the annoyingest thing ever? But do you like how JR can make you like it?

Dang? I guess that now that the Dips have made some lucrative arrangements for putting out their records, perhaps they are feeling good, no? I wonder whether all this good fortune will be manifested in some more powerful music?

Get 'Em Daddy - Cam'ron ft Hell Rell
WHA!?!?! A sequel to Get em Girls?


Really something, what Rakim dropping by your video shoot will do for one's ego -- 1st, you're spitting over one of his classics...
Know the Ledge - Juelz
& then, you're whispering over something a lil more current?
Wait freestyle - Juelz
"Don't move don't be no fool,
Don't make me ring ya bell like we in school
DING DONG"
(AND he perfectly replicates D-Rock's raspy collipark twang on the "DONG" (Juelz always delivers on the little things))



Oh, & do you remember about the awesome book I said that people should read, "What's the Matter with Kansas?"? Well, would you read it, if the author has written an addendum, "What's the Matter with Liberals?"? I know you don't like to read stuff, but this is reading internet, which makes it funner, doesn't it?

And after you've read all this stuff, and you've deeply pondered these questions, I would like you to listen to the following track, and ask yourself: is Cam'ron maybe feeling too good; is it hubris for him to be rapping over Journey? Does it make it better that he's rapping about how he used to be an overweight "stocky dude,' & how he used to throw up in public,
"regurgitating green, yellow, burgundy BOOM!"? Huh? What does it say about this dude that he even barfs interesting color patterns?
Any way you want it - Cam'ron

Dipset Extravaganza continued

Yeah! YOU KNEW the Dipset extravaganza just couldn't stop yet:
Your Way - JR Writer ft Juelz & Cam'ron
Listen to Cam talk about his Huck Finn turtleneck:
Freestyle - Cam'ron

The internet should've told you already!!! OWWWWW!!!





Old School - The Click
This is E-40's crew, The Click, rapping about cars over a Zapp-ified compyooter luv-esque beat. No 40 water here, but it has hot vocoders on the hook. So necessary.


Freestyle - Lady Cutie
& this one is a female grime MC, from the Aim High 2 compilation, which I like even better than Run the Road, which is, itself, awesome. Good female MCs! More more more please!

My new internet-friend John Chiasm, is blogging the making of the new album by his band, Aa. They are recording in the same studio where the Fall just recorded! WOWOWOWOW!

It sounds like we goin into overdrive-overdrive

Hello. I'm back from NY. Job interviews were good. Seeing NYC friends was great.

Now feels like an approriate time for a Dipset Extravaganza.

Diplomats Extravaganza - Hell Rell ft Juelz

& more JR:

Give Me a Second - JR Writer
Magic- JR Writer

& here is some Chamillionaire. The 1st 2 tracks come from his "Greatest Hits" collection, which is, as far as I can tell, excerpts from various mixtapes with him versioning a lot of famous beats, with whoever else was originally on the track edited out. Screwed by O.G. Ron C. In other words, it's the best thing ever. Watch out for many more of these tracks to be posted here. The "batter up flow" is famous because it's where he says he looks like he swallowed a mirror, which don't the rest of us all wish we looked like that too. The last one is his versioning of the Slow Jams, and posted for the benefit of my Bebe sister, who wanted to hear it.

Batter Up Flow - Chamillionaire
Funky Enough Flow- Chamillionaire
Screw Jams- Chamillionaire

I read What's the Matter with Kansas by Thomas Frank while I was away. I think it should be the next book you read. Even if you don't read. Even if you're illiterate. Ask your mom to read it to you or something.

Also, I went to the Basquiat exhibition in Brooklyn. Go there if you can.


& finally this is some powerful music from Soft Machine. Just because.
The Moon in June - Soft Machine